


If Love Is Strong Why Do I Feel Weak?

by neapeaikea



Series: Falling In Love [2]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Canonical Character Death, Developing Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Open Ending, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:35:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21890839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neapeaikea/pseuds/neapeaikea
Summary: Alex is settling into life away from Roswell, as well as his first relationship. Michael's support is helping Alex heal from his traumatic past, but when Michael starts lying and hiding things, Alex worries his happiness will be shortlived.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: Falling In Love [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1576927
Comments: 24
Kudos: 158





	If Love Is Strong Why Do I Feel Weak?

**Author's Note:**

> And so it is finally here! The sequel that probably shouldn't be! _Falling In Love Is So Bittersweet_ received such a lovely and humbling response, and while I LOVE that story and think it should probably be left as a perfect standalone, I did always have some more drama for the boys in my head so after some gentle pushing, here's a story that hopefully lives up to its predecessor, and soothes a few hearts and minds. I'm really pleased with some of this, some of it less so. It was a treat writing Alex's POV and I loved showing his side of the story. This fic has been a real battle to wrangle into something readable and sensible, and I hope I managed okay. Fair warning - the ending isn't as WTF as the last one, but it's not exactly straightforward.
> 
> Expanded warning: I picked the 'violence' warning though there's no actual violence in this, only referenced past violence. Throughout this story there are numerous references to (non-sexual) child abuse, it is indeed one of the larger parts of the story. I hope I handle it with care and respect, and that you opt out now if that's not your thing.

Alex lets his mind wander as he walks home. It’s only his third session with the behavioral therapist at the student health clinic but he’s already learned that he needs time to process after seeing her. He’ll only get ten sessions total and he wants to make them count, so he’s talking a lot more than he really has the energy or strength for. Francine, his therapist, says they’ll start with actual strategies next time but the fact that he’s so open will help their efforts. 

Therapy is just one step in freeing himself from his father, from Roswell and from all the shit Alex has promised himself he’s left behind for good. It’s been months since he last saw his father, but that doesn’t mean he can’t still feel the pounding of his fists or hear the hatred in his voice. Sometimes Alex wakes up in a sweat, certain that his father’s in the room. Sometimes he’ll zone out while awake, and not come back until Michael snaps at him.

His homework for therapy this week is considering possible triggers, and he’s already decided to bring it up with Michael, to see if his boyfriend has noticed any common factors about Alex’s episodes. He can’t help but smile as he thinks of Michael, who has been a rock and big ol’ softie since Christmas. He’s been there every step of the way and instantly supported Alex’s decision to get professional help. He’s held him through long nights and left him alone when Alex has needed it. He’s even let Alex be angry and annoying without getting too snippy back. After all, they are sharing a tiny dorm room, getting on each other’s nerves was bound to happen even without the shadow of Jesse Manes looming over them. 

Alex likes to think he’s pretty good at apologizing when he should, but Michael almost always waves the apologies away, saying he understands that Alex is going through a lot. It makes Alex feel guilty sometimes, because he doesn’t want them to end up being a couple with a power imbalance. After seeing his parents have an unhealthy relationship, he wants everything in his own relationship to be equal and honest, he doesn’t need therapy to work that out. 

When Alex gets back to the room, it’s empty for the second day running. He sighs, throwing himself on the bed and toeing his boots off. He knows Michael is stressing about the group assignment in his Engineering in Practice course, worried that it will lower his grade average, but he’d hoped that Michael would be around for a reaffirming hug or two. If it’s anything like the past week, Michael won’t be back until well past dinnertime. He and Jack are working on the Enterprise like it’s an actual starship and not a plastic model. Alex tries to be interested when Michael talks about it, but he’s more interested in how passionate Michael is about the subject, rather than what he’s actually saying.

He lies on the bed for a while, but with no music on it’s hard to quiet the thoughts swirling in his head. He yawns but drags himself back up from the bed. Pulling his rucksack over, he checks what textbooks are inside before hoisting it across a shoulder. 

He makes it to the engineering lab in record time, knocking on the door at the same time as he pops his head in. “Hey.”

Michael looks over, grin quickly in place. “Alex. What’s up?”

“Nothing,” Alex says, “just figured I’d do some reading in here with you, if that’s okay?”

Michael’s already making his way over, but glances back at Jack, “I mean, uhm, we’re pretty loud.”

Jack’s gotten a lot better at reading social cues, and offers them a little time alone with a lame excuse, “I need a toilet break.” 

“You okay?” Michael asks, finally close enough to give Alex a hug. 

“Yeah.” Alex sighs, melting into the embrace.

“You’re kinda freaking me out.” Michael says worriedly. 

“I was at the therapist and now my head won’t stop spinning, so can I just sit here and do my reading? I’ll be quiet, I’ve got my iPod with me to listen to music.” Alex realizes it sounds like he’s pleading and maybe he is. 

“I keep telling you, you don’t have to be quiet.” Michael winks. He runs his hands up and down Alex’s arms. “Rough session?” 

“Something like that. I couldn’t even tell you why. But I… well, I wanted to see you. So here I am.”

Alex and Michael are co-dependent. _Very_ co-dependent. They live together, have almost the same schedule for their classes and like it that way. They share most of their friends and eat nearly every meal together. But they very rarely acknowledge that they are stuck like glue to each other. 

“You can set up shop in the corner and I promise we’ll get this done before dinner. Late dinner.” Michael takes Alex’s rucksack and puts it on a table further away. When Alex is settled, Michael pulls him into a kiss. 

They’re still making out when Jack comes back. “I probably should’ve seen that coming.”

Michael and Alex pull apart, both of them a little flushed. Michael winks at Alex again before heading back to the work station he shares with Jack, “Alex’ll just hang out ‘til we’re done. What were you thinking with the reserve thrusters?”

Alex puts on his headphones, starts up the Iggy Pop & The Stooges playlist he has on his iPod and gets his notebook out. He bumps his hand into one of the tomb-like textbooks he has to carry around and hisses at the pain. He glances over at Michael, but he is blessedly already in spacecraft engineering mode. Alex’s cast came off nearly a month ago, but he’s still working on regaining strength in his previously broken fingers, and part of his palm. Most of the time it’s fine, but sudden bumps or hits make them cramp up, like now. If Michael is around for such an incident, he gets a sad look on his face and asks Alex if he’s okay in a really soft and annoying voice. 

Alex knows it’s stupid to be annoyed over how caring Michael is, but he doesn’t like to be reminded of his broken fingers. Because that reminds him that all he’s ever wanted is to be independent, but now a part of that, his music, might be ruined forever. He can play some songs on the guitar, but he’s nowhere near having the same use of his fingers as before his dad took a hammer to his left hand. It interferes with his studying since he’s supposed to write and play music for half of his classes, and that’s another threat against his independence. He’s aware that it’s super unfair to take his frustrations about it out on Michael, but he can’t help himself sometimes and Michael lets him.

Making a fist of his hand and then unclenching it, Alex takes a deep breath and tries to let go of the stiffness and ache that’s settled in both his bones and his mind. He’s got a set of exercises he’s supposed to be do every day to get full range of motion back, but it feels like no matter how diligent he is about doing them, his fingers won’t ever be the same or even near it. 

The song switches over to _I Wanna Be Your Dog_ and he grins, remembering Michael’s reaction to hearing that song for the first time. The great thing about living with someone who has no real interest in music other than hating plastic pop, is that Alex has full control of the songs playing in their room and he gets to introduce Michael to lots of cool artists. Iggy’s a favorite for them both.

**

It’s past nine when the three of them tumble out of the lab, which was earlier than Alex expected. Michael’s still talking to Jack about thrusters and power converters though, while Jack keeps saying his brain needs a break. He shares a commiserating look with Alex, and that’s when Alex realizes that it was Jack who put a stop to the day’s work. Michael likes to say that Jack is a shy, socially awkward sweetheart, but it seems like Jack’s the one who thinks Michael should spend some time with his boyfriend. Alex wonders if it was that obvious he was in a funk earlier, or if Michael talks to Jack about him. He doesn’t know how he feels about the latter alternative, maybe mortified, but maybe giddy too. 

It’s also Jack who excuses himself a couple of minutes later, saying he’s gonna head to one of the on-campus cafés for something to eat. Michael and Alex are doing their best to save all the funds they can, so they head home instead for spaghetti and tomato sauce. 

“You feeling better?” Michael asks once they’re on their own. 

“Yeah. Have a headache though.” Therapy, followed by hours of headphones squeezing his ears, coupled with very little to eat during the day, has left Alex drained and a little cranky. 

“Sucks.” Michael says. “Wanna talk about your session?” 

“Not now.” 

They walk silently for a couple of minutes, but it’s not awkward or strained. At least Alex doesn’t think it is until he realizes Michael’s fidgeting like mad. 

“Something on your mind?” Alex wonders. 

“Nah.” Michael starts, but then he sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “I talked to Iz today. She keeps nagging me about coming back to visit. So I said I’d come for spring break.”

Alex frowns, “Like, the whole week?”

“Yeah. You could come with.”

Alex lets out a sharp laugh, “Fuck no. I’m never going back to Roswell.”

“You keep saying that, but there’s more than your dad there. You have friends there, Liz is back from her roadtrip. You could work at the UFO Emporium all summer and make some cash. What about your brothers, and your stuff?”

“I can find a job here.”

“Yeah, but your friends are there.” Michael insists.

“I have friends here too.” Alex stops, turning to Michael, “Are you seriously telling me to go back to the worst place on Earth?”

“No!” Michael exclaims, putting a hand on Alex’s wrist. “I’m just saying, don’t let your dad ruin your home for you.”

Alex goes cold. He feels his skin prickle, and his muscles tense. He snatches his arm away. “You have no idea what my home was like. Don’t fucking pretend to.”

“I’m not–”

“Leave it, Michael.” Somewhere deep inside, Alex knows he is overreacting. It’s been a long day and he’s snapping at Michael, again.

“Yeah, well, I’m going.” Michael says, and for once he actually sounds frustrated. 

“Whatever.” 

**

Dinner that night is eaten out in the lounge, and Alex stays there afterwards while Michael goes to their room to do whatever it is he does he won’t tell Alex about. He keeps saying he has an extra project in Mechanical Engineering but Alex doubts that very much, because when he shows up unannounced at their room sometimes, Michael will throw papers to the side or slam the laptop shut. It doesn’t feel like Michael’s lying to him, but Alex hopes he’ll soon tell him what’s really going on. 

The following days pass in a blur. Alex spends a lot of time in the music studio, attempting to play guitar and getting frustrated when his fingers won’t move like they should. He’s got a group assignment in Musical Composition that’s a lot more fun than it should be and an essay to write in his Mexican Literature class that’s more difficult than he anticipated. There’s the LGBT club too, where he’s committing more and more time mostly because it’s so freeing to be around people that are out. Almost no one his age in Roswell was out, and sometimes it really felt like being out was a yoke around his neck. Maybe if there had been more of them, his dad would’ve laid off him. 

He and Michael almost only see each other in the mornings, but it’s comforting to feel Michael’s warm body against his whenever he wakes up in the middle of the night. He does ask Michael about triggers and they have a very fraught and interrupted conversation where they both try so hard to not push each other. At the end of the list of triggers he jots down ‘ _M holding back?_ ’ to remember to bring it up at his next session with Francine. 

Michael’s workload seems to have increased and for the first time he’s behaving stressed and running to and from classes and even spends time in the library. Alex does what he can as a boyfriend and takes care of their laundry, sends stupid emojis and pretends that he doesn’t want to see more of Michael. It’s kind of awesome that Michael does the same thing back, only he tidies the room, buys their groceries and sends musician jokes to Alex. 

Alex sort of forgets that Michael’s going back to Roswell for spring break, since neither of them bring it up. It’s hard to ignore when Michael’s packing his duffel bag, although stuffing random clothes into it is a more fitting way of describing what he’s doing. Alex is attempting to read _The Process_ again, but Kafka is a hard read at the best of times, and reading it when your boyfriend is getting ready to leave for a week probably isn’t the best circumstance. 

Michael pauses with a shirt half inside the duffel, “Are you mad that I’m going?”

“What?” Alex finally puts his book down, “Of course not. Just ‘cos I hate that place, doesn’t mean you can’t go. You’ve got Iz and Max, you should go see them.”

Michael gives him a careful look, “Yeah? And if I see your dad? Or the sheriff?”

“Then you don’t say anything about me, you just turn around and walk away. They don’t know you’re my boyfriend, I’d like to keep it that way.” Alex hears what he says a second too late, when Michael’s face shatters for the briefest moment before clearing up. “No, Michael, that’s not what I meant and you know it. I just don’t want you to have a target on your back, and my dad to come gunning for you. You know I’m not ashamed of us.”

“Yeah, I know.” Michael agrees. He drops the duffel on the floor, sits down on the edge of the bed. 

“Everyone that matters knows, like Liz and – oh.” Alex grimaces awkwardly.

“What?” 

Alex blows a raspberry with his mouth, “Liz has probably told Kyle. Maybe not directly, but she’s probably told people they have in common, and it’s trickled back to him. And if he’s told his dad… Just, I don’t want you getting hurt, okay?”

“I can take care of myself, Alex.” Michael lays a hand on Alex’s thigh. “I’ve lived there half my life, one week isn’t going to do shit to me.”

“I can’t believe you’d say that, do you even know what jinxing is? How stupid can you get?” Alex mutters. 

“About this stupid.” Michael smirks, sliding his hand up Alex’s thigh and pressing it against his dick. 

“I wouldn’t call that stupid at all. The opposite, really.” Alex raises his hips into Michael’s grip. 

Michael giggles despite his best efforts to stay suave, and the situation goes from sexy to endearing, but then Michael’s undoing Alex’s fly and things go straight back to sexy. 

Taking Alex’s slack dick into his mouth, Michael pays special attention to the head and uses his hands to caress Alex’s thighs. It’s hot as hell and has Alex hardening within moments. Michael’s mouth is always so warm and wet around him, with just the right amount pressure. It used to be that Michael experimented with his teeth but that idea was quickly kiboshed by Alex. Now he licks and laps until Alex’s erection has grown to the point of stretching his lips. 

“Not too much, want you to fuck me.” Alex says, a gentle hand on Michael’s shoulder. 

Michael pulls off, saliva dangling from his lower lip to Alex’s cock. “You’re not so stupid yourself.”

Alex laughs, turning over to get the lube and condoms from the drawer of their shared nightstand. “I got into one of New Mexico’s finest colleges, I’m no underachiever.”

“Oh, we’re all about high standards ‘round here.” Michael jokes along, shuffling around on the bed to get his tight jeans off.

They sneak kisses as they help each other get naked, something that Alex still finds exhilarating. He’d been with a guy before Michael, and with him the getting naked part had been so awkward and hurried, reserved for the darkness they were in. With Michael, ever since the first time, it’s a fun and organic part of their sex. Sure, sometimes they’re too frantic to even get their clothes off, but most of the time they let their hands cop a feel and linger as more and more skin is revealed. Alex isn’t averse to doing it with the lights on, likes seeing Michael’s body and doesn’t mind that Michael can see all the scarring on his own skin.

Like now, when Michael is kissing his way down Alex’s stomach, past random imperfections, treating Alex’s body like it’s something to be treasured. For so long, the only touches he received told him something different, that he was worthless, that he could never be loved. A lot of the times he and Michael have sex, it’s about getting off and being horny teenagers. But sometimes, like now, there is also affection and adoration. It confirms to Alex what he feels when they share a blanket during movie night or when Michael buys his favorite soda, which is that they care for each other in a way that won’t be easily broken. 

Michael doesn’t tease tonight, goes straight to fingering Alex open while murmuring dirty nothings into the hot air around them. Alex spreads his legs happily, rocking down on Michael’s fingers. Sex is something they’re only getting better at, both of them finding what they like and don’t like. Alex really likes being fingered, loves the idea of Michael playing with his ass. He hasn’t told Michael yet but he thinks it might be obvious from how he shudders and his moans get louder. 

Michael leans in for a kiss, teeth and lips smashing together as he tries an awkward angle to press his dick inside of Alex. It doesn’t work and he has to pull away from the kiss. Luckily, Alex has a strong core and can heave himself up to kiss at Michael’s chest and arms while Michael focuses on getting inside his ass. They both freeze and grunt as Michael pushes past the barrier, but as soon as Alex feels ready he whispers into Michael’s ear to fuck him. 

With an arm slung up behind him, hand pressing into the wall above the bed, Alex meets Michael’s thrusts and pushes back. Michael is big and pulsing inside of him, a sensation Alex is getting used to more and more. Michael’s dick is a little curved and becomes crimson red when it’s hard, and it’s great for sucking on and if Michael gets the angle right, it’s great for fucking Alex’s ass. 

“Fuck, babe, you’re tight tonight.” Michael grunts. 

Alex keens at the nickname. It’s common now during sex, but rare otherwise. Alex thinks he might want to hear it more often outside of bed. But right now all he wants is to get off. 

“Fucking… fuck me. Faster.”

Michael obeys Alex’s request, but not before rearranging Alex’s legs so they’re sticking up into the air, resting against Michael’s shoulders. Their eyes meet, and they keep eye contact as Michael thrusts faster and harder, leaving Alex’s hole red and strained. 

“I’m gonna come.” Michael says. 

“Yeah.” Alex says. “Play with my ass.”

“What?”

“Put a hand on it, something.” 

Michael gives him a look and stops fucking him for a second. Then he picks up his momentum again, and a warm hand sweeps over Alex’s ass cheek. He can tell Michael doesn’t really know what he’s doing so Alex puts his hand on his, shows him how to caress his ass and thigh.

“Yeah?” Michael says huskily. “That good for you?”

“Mmm.” Alex hums, melting into the liquid sensations spreading through his body. “Really good.”

They both come a few minutes later, a heap of sweaty skin and languid limbs. Alex thinks it was pretty good ‘see you in a week’-sex. Michael must agree because he spends longer than usual just laying on top of him, tracing that same circular pattern as always on Alex’s skin. 

It’s Michael that gets up to get rid of the condom and fetch a washcloth. They have a whole stack of small towels by the sink, and tissues on the nightstand, and they have to restock both alarmingly often. Alex cleans himself with the washcloth, Michael rarely offers or attempts to clean Alex’s ass after he’s fucked him. Alex wonders what that’s about, not that he really cares one way or the other. 

When the boring parts are done with, Michael curls into Alex from behind. He slings an arm around Alex’s chest, pulls him in and presses a kiss to the back of his head. 

“It might be good for us.” Alex says sleepily. “Getting a little distance. We spend an insane amount of time together.”

Michael huffs, “It’s just a week. We’ll be fine.”

“I know we’ll be fine. I’m just saying it’s been weird enough lately when I hardly see you, you not being here is gonna be even weirder.”

At first Alex thinks he won’t get a reply, then Michael kisses his bare shoulder, “I’ll miss you too.”

**

Michael leaves in the morning, with a kiss to Alex’s hair and a promise to stay clear of Alex’s dad. It’s the first day of spring break so a whole bunch of Alex’s friends and classmates disappear too, either homebound or down to Mexico. A lot of students stick around though, and Alex has company in the music studio that day, Sarah and Renita dragging him into some backing vocals for the track they’re working on. It’s fun and he likes collaborating with them. 

“You wanna come over tonight, we’re gonna have a drinking game watching _Hairspray_.” Renita asks while they’re taking a break. “You can bring the boyfriend.”

“Yeah, that’d be great.” Alex says, happy to have friends that like doing that kind of thing. With Michael he usually ends up watching action or sci-fi, which is fine but gets a bit tedious. Michael’s even strangely disinclined to comedies. “Michael’s gone back to Roswell, so it’ll just be me.”

“Aww, don’t worry, we’ll take care of you.” Renita grins.

Before heading over to Renita’s that night, Alex puts a ton of hairspray in his hair, because he’s committed to the evening’s theme. He snaps a selfie and sends it to Michael, who sends back a row of question marks. They keep up a slow but steady stream of texts throughout the evening, Michael telling him about the drive and Alex about Jermaine’s afternoon outburst about how dirty their dorm’s shared lounge is. 

“Alex, come on, you missed a shot!” Sarah calls at him as he’s opening up Michael’s latest message. 

“New rule, Alex has to take a shot whenever he texts his boyfriend.” Renita suggests. There’s six of them in Renita’s tiny room, and the others cheer at the suggestion. 

“Okay, okay, putting my phone down.” Alex relents, tapping to power down the screen. 

“If my boyfriend was that hot, I’d make sure he didn’t forget me either.” Brandon says, making them all laugh, including Alex. 

“Did that last night.” Alex winks, causing several gleeful whoops and hollers from the others, including Trish and Kevan, whom he’s never met before. 

He knows Brandon from the LGBT club, and Trish and Kevan are his friends. They seem really cool, and Alex is always happy to make new friends. It’s something he’s realized about himself since starting college, that he actually likes making friends and finding common interests with people. In Roswell he was shut off from most people, due to a number of things, not least his sexuality and his dad’s fury. There was no point in making an effort to get to know people there, he’d already met them a hundred times over. Here in Albuquerque he can present himself however he damn well pleases to people, making a good or bad impression is all down to him, not because of gossip or the reputation of his last name. 

Halfway through the movie, Renita nudges him. He follows her subtle nod and grins, Brandon’s ended up closer and closer to Kevan and now he’s leaning back on his arms, one hand on the floor behind Kevan. It’s cute and Alex hopes Brandon gets what he wants, whatever it is. It makes him think of Michael, and he takes out his phone. 

“Ha!” Renita crows. “Shot time for Alex!”

“I didn’t even look yet!” Alex argues.

He doesn’t have to take a shot that time, but he does end up with five more shots before the night is over and he crashes on Sarah’s roomie’s bed, as she’s in Cabo for the week. He feels like shit when he wakes up. There’s a buzzing somewhere in the near vicinity of his body and it takes far too long for him to realize it’s his phone. 

He’s too slow to answer Michael’s call so he has to hit redial. 

“Hey.” Michael greets him.

“Ugh.” Alex grunts. Michael laughs in his ear, making Alex whine. 

“Did baby have too much to drink last night?” Michael croons jokingly.

“Fuck you.”

“You haven’t seen your texts from last night, have you?”

“Oh man.” Alex moans. “That’s so unfair.”

Michael laughs some more, “I wasn’t looking to wake you up, just wanted to check in ‘cos Max and I are going out in the desert all day and the reception’s pretty spotty out there.”

“Yeah, you gonna have some brother bonding time?” Alex still doesn’t fully understand the bond Michael shares with the Evans twins. He calls them his sister and brother sometimes, but he’s unreliable about it. In fact, he’s unreliable when it comes to most facts about his life in Roswell. While Alex has been open to a point that surprises even himself, it’s clear Michael still isn’t ready to spell things out. What he does mention and the things he reacts to makes it obvious he’s been through a lot, suffered beatings and abuse just like Alex has, and Alex wishes Michael trusted him enough to be more open about it. 

“Something like that.” Michael mutters. “Hey, take care, okay? Drink lots of water. I leave town for one day and you turn into an alcoholic.”

Alex chuckles, “I think the opposite has been proven.”

“Lightweight.” 

“Just ‘cos you have a supernatural tolerance level.” Alex first thought that Michael didn’t drink much at all, but as they’ve gone to parties together and Alex hasn’t had to hide the fact that he likes looking at Michael, he’s realized Michael can drink most sailors under the table. 

“What can I say? I’m a talented guy. Hey, Max is waving at me to hang up, but we’ve got ibuprofen on the sink when you get back to the room.”

“I told you I crashed at Sarah’s?”

Michael laughs again, “You really should check your texts.”

Alex grumbles and hangs up when Michael only laughs harder. He opens up their message thread and feels instantly embarrassed. There’s easily 20 messages in there, all about how he’s drunk, missing Michael, how Michael should use more hairspray, that Renita is evil and Brandon a yearling who must be protected. The last one rambles on about Alex sleeping with Sarah, but not _with_ her, Michael doesn’t need to worry. 

He sends a short _FML_ to Michael and receives kissy emoji in return. 

**

Alex spends a couple of hours each day over the break on his guitar, trying to get his fingers to move like they should. It leaves him frustrated, but sometimes they do stretch out longer. He decides to focus on the positive, knowing it’s a slow progress. 

He goes to the library, works a little on an essay in his Native American History class that’s not due for another two weeks and reads music notes ‘til his eyes are sore. He spends most evenings in the common room with Jermaine and Agatha, or with people from the LGBT club at one of the student bars. He misses Michael more than he wants to admit, knows that it’s bordering on unhealthy to feel as lonely as he does when he’s surrounded by friends. He doesn’t tell anyone about it, though he gets a couple of comments about how obvious it is he misses his boyfriend, so he doesn’t need to say it. 

The only one he says it to is Michael, when they’re on the phone or in a text as he turns in for the night. They talk once every day, even twice a few times, but there’s no pattern to when. Michael seems to do a lot of driving around with Max, or arguing with Isobel, and Alex doesn’t really get why Michael had to go to Roswell at all. But it’s Michael’s life, and Michael’s decision.

“I miss you too.” Michael says sleepily into the phone one night. It was well past midnight when Alex chanced a call, but Michael insisted he’d been up. 

“When are you coming back? Like, early or late on Sunday?” Alex asks.

“Uh, late. I’d say early but then I’d have to leave early and…”

Alex snickers, “You’re not a morning person.”

“Neither are you, sweetheart.”

Alex grins to himself. “I guess not. Might have to change that, I applied for a couple of jobs today.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, just as a barista, or shelving shit at CostCo. I’d like to get the job at Best Buy, I actually know stuff about computers.”

“I hope you get it.”

“Yeah. Text me when you’re close on Sunday and I’ll have something ready for you.”

“Yeah? Something sexy? Are you gonna wait for me in lingerie?”

“I meant something to eat. But I guess we could fuck.”

**

The day before Michael’s due back, Alex wakes up from a nap to find he’s dropped the printed-out slides from his professor’s last presentation on the floor. He grunts, rolls off the bed and grabs the papers. Spotting more papers nearer the wall, he decides to get them too. They’ve pushed their two beds together against the wall to create one big bed, and it’s easy to pull them apart to fish up the forgotten papers. Alex wonders how long Michael’s left them there and if he’s ever realized he lost them. It’s just schematics, drawings of a high tech airplane, Michael’s rushed style of writing all around it with arrows and numbers. Alex grins, Michael is such a nerd no matter how hard he maintains that he’s dark and mysterious. 

At first Alex had thought that Michael was adamant about keeping up with his coursework because he was at UNM on a scholarship but he’s come to realize that’s only half of it. Michael likes his different engineering classes and can lose himself in hours of work that isn’t actually related to whatever assignment he’s supposed to hand in next. Jack and Agatha have both mentioned how Michael thinks one or two steps ahead of everyone else in class, how he’s debating theoretical propulsion mechanics in outer space when the rest are trying to get their DIY wind-up toy to move in the right direction. Michael just laughs at that, but he looks proud too, like he likes being smart. Alex can’t remember ever considering him the smart kid at Roswell High. Michael was the delinquent, and Alex the gay one. 

Alex shuffles Michael’s forgotten papers together and puts them on Michael’s absurdly messy desk. It’s funny, Michael will argue about keeping clothes off the floor and keeping their things separate, but his desk is in a constant state of chaos. Alex is the opposite. His dad forced him and his brothers to keep their rooms tidy and subjected them to controls at random intervals. Now that Alex is living out from under his dad’s thumb he wants to do things his way, and throwing his stuff on the floor is a huge ‘fuck you’ to Jesse Manes. When he told Michael about it, Michael said he understood but that it still drove him mad to walk over clothes, towels and books. They’re trying to compromise but no real improvement has been made. Alex figures he can be the bigger person, just this once. It’s not like their room is that big, so cleaning it shouldn’t take too long. 

There’s some cleaning equipment in a closet in the hallway that all the students can use, and Alex keeps the beds separated as he begins to vacuum underneath, getting more of the dustbunnies that way. Then he throws all the random stuff that’s been on the floor onto the bed that’s pushed out and heaves the bed back into place before vacuuming some more. It’s kind of nice, feeling like he’s doing something to show Michael appreciation and to surprise him with.

After vacuuming he turns to the items he threw on the bed, which are mostly clothes. He folds them up, placing it back in his wardrobe or in the laundry basket. His wardrobe’s a mess, so he goes through that too, struck with a cleaning and organizing bug. Some of Michael’s stuff is in there, the two of them not exactly sharing their clothes but not caring about what’s nearest when they’re in a rush to get going in the morning. He takes the clothes that belong to Michael and opens up Michael’s wardrobe instead. It’s only slightly better organized than Alex’s closet. 

“Okay, tees on the bottom, ‘cos that makes sense.” Alex says to the empty room, crouching down to stuff another couple of t-shirts in there. He frowns when his pushes meet actual resistance, not just from the clothes already in there, but from something harder too. “What the…”

He pulls a couple of t-shirts out, and by tilting his head spots a piece of cloth, like a pillowcase. It’s wrapped around something. Curious, he takes it out and unwraps it. 

“Whoa.” Alex is mesmerized by the beautiful piece of glass, glittering in different colors. It changes color and intensity where Alex touches it, different patterns lighting up. It’s possibly the most spectacular handicraft he’s ever seen. The glass is fine like porcelain, maybe even diamond. But from the way it glitters and shines, there has to be something technological about it too.

“So that’s what you’ve been working on. Yeah, I’d keep that under wraps too.” Alex says, certain that this is the secret project Michael’s working on for his Mechanical Engineering, or if it’s for a Franklin Institute Award or any and all of the awards for scientific progress. It looks lightyears ahead of any technology Alex has ever seen and he now truly comprehends why Michael’s classmates always act like he’s the resident prodigy. It makes Alex feel just a little bit inferior. Here he is, with broken fingers that he can’t play guitar with, and Michael is hiding his amazing work because he probably doesn’t want to hurt Alex’s pride.

He studies the glass for another couple of minutes, sweeping his fingers back and forth, transfixed by the way the sparkle on the glass changes. It must be from the heat of his body temperature or something like that. He’ll make it clear to Michael he doesn’t mind being together with an absolute genius, and then Michael will show him the glass and explain how it works to him. 

“This has got to be worth a lot of money.” Alex continues to talk to himself as he wraps the glass back up and puts it back in the closet, shoving the t-shirts in front of it. “I guess if I have to be a trophy boyfriend, that’ll just be my cross to bear.”

Alex’s cleaning spree sort of peters out then, but he does make sure that there are no books, playing cards or anything else that Michael likes to bitch about, on the floor. He tidies up the nightstand, takes out the trash and wipes off the sink. All in all, he’s pretty damn pleased with his effort. 

**

Alex pounces on Michael the minute he’s through the door, not that Michael seems to have a problem with it. Alex presses frantic kisses to his jaw, neck, mouth. Michael works on getting their clothes off, his progress hampered by Alex refusing to let him go even for a second. They somehow end up on their bed, rolling over the dip where the two separate bedframes are pushed against each other. 

“I missed you.” Alex says when he finally lets Michael take his shirt off. 

“Prove it with a blowjob?” Michael leers, and Alex should refuse just for that, but he doesn’t. 

Afterwards, when their dicks are wet and sticky and flaccid, Michael tells him about Roswell, how everything’s the same, but somehow less encroaching and suffocating. He saw Liz and Rosa at The Crashdown, where the sisters pumped him for information about Alex and their relationship, which Alex thinks is awesome. Michael acts like it was embarrassing, but Alex can tell he was happy to have their relationship validated by Alex’s friends.

“How’s Isobel? Still having blackouts?” Alex asks. 

Michael looks up at the ceiling. He drums his fingers on Alex’s lower arm. “She’s not better, but not worse either. It was nice seeing them, but I feel bad for them being stuck in that place. I get it, Iz’s health is important, but she’s never gonna feel better in that place and with those people.”

“I thought she liked being popular. Wasn’t she popular? She could get people to do anything for her.” 

Michael’s hand stills. “She had stuff going on. Has stuff.” 

Alex waits for anything further, but Michael’s sharing mood is apparently over for the time being. Sometimes Michael will talk for hours about highly private stuff, then he’ll barely touch the subject for days. It’s a good thing they can spend so much time communicating via sex.

“I guess everyone has stuff going on beneath the surface.” Alex yawns. It’s late at night, but he’s not that sleepy, which is down to being excited Michael is back. “Notice anything different ‘bout the room?”

Michael tilts his head up, looking around, “Am I supposed to?”

Alex rolls his eyes, “It’s very clean, isn’t it?”

“Aww, sweetheart!” Michael says in a saccharine voice, “You cleaned up, I’m so proud of you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Alex says through a smile, honestly a little happy at Michael’s appreciative glances around the room. “You should stop ragging on me for leaving stuff on the floor, I found your drawings of the spaceship under the bed.”

“What?” Michael sits up suddenly, staring at Alex. Behind him, his duffel bag topples over. 

Alex adds the duffel to his ever-growing list of strangely animated inanimate objects. “Your spaceship? At first I thought it was an airplane, but then I had another look at it because I was bored, and it’s a spaceship, right? I put it on your desk.”

“Oh. The schematics for the first Enterprise. Yeah. Sure.” Michael relaxes. He grins at Alex, “Wanna fool around?”

“You’re insatiable.” Alex laughs, rolling on top of Michael. The new angle makes him notice the second bag Michael had with him. “What’s in the gym bag?”

Michael cranes his head back, “Oh, that’s Max’s. He held on to some stuff for me, figured it was time I took it back.”

“Huh.” Alex ducks down to press his lips to Michael’s warm skin, “Wanna finger me again?”

Michael shivers, but he acts all cocky as he says, “You really like that, huh? When I do stuff with your ass?”

Alex tries to stay cool, but he is only 18 and pretty new to sex, all things considered. He knows a flush is working its way up his neck. “Gotta figure stuff out somehow, right?”

“I don’t mind, I like doing things to your ass.” Michael says way too softly, and then he’s nudging at Alex’s jaw for a kiss. 

**

Spring break is quickly forgotten as reading assignments and seminars start to dot the academic schedule. Still, Michael and Alex succeed in finding more time together, mostly thanks to Alex doing his reading in the engineering lab or Michael working on the laptop while Alex plays the guitar in their room. Alex’s therapist thinks it sounds like they’ve found a great way of spending time together without distracting each other, which a lot of romantic and sexual partners might find difficult. Alex doesn’t know how to react to that. He can lose himself for hours in Michael’s warm skin or teasing eyes but he’s not sure what Michael’s getting out of it. Alex has brought up being interested in Michael’s projects and ideas a number of times, but Michael has yet to officially reveal the piece of glass from his closet which is annoying but nothing to get upset about.

Doing homework together means being around when Max sends texts or when Isobel calls, and Michael excuses himself. Alex overhears a number of stressful conversations where Michael pleads with someone to wait, and that he’s not sure yet. Alex tries to make things easier by not bringing up how his brother Flint has been calling him and that there’s been a group email from his father about his posting in Roswell having been extended. He tells himself he’s not lying to Michael when he tells him everything is fine.

Amazingly, Best Buy calls and asks him to come in for an interview. They’re particularly interested in the fact that he can work fulltime during the summer. Alex assures them he’s interested in as many hours as possible and confirms he’ll be there at two the following day.

“Mike, have you seen my tie?” Alex asks, opening up Michael’s wardrobe.

“Mike?” Michael asks wonderingly. 

“No? Figured I’d give it a go.” Alex muses. “But have you? Seen my tie?”

“It’s Best Buy. You’re a college kid. They are not expecting a tie.”

“I want to make good impression!” Alex says. It’s why he’s not wearing any makeup or jewelry. He figures he can sneak it in ever so slowly if he actually gets the job.

“Hey,” Michael gets off the bed, takes Alex by shoulders, “You look great. You’re going to ace the interview and get the job. Don’t stress.”

Alex appreciates the effort, but it doesn’t really do the job. “Thanks. You know, your closet is looking pretty full. If there’s anything in there you want to put somewhere else in the room, you can just do it, you don’t have to hide any inventions or anything. You can trust me, this is your room too.”

Michael gives him a strange look, “Inventions?”

“Yeah, you know. Like for that Mechanical Engineering project.”

“Oh, that. Nah, that’s all on the laptop.” Michael says. 

“But…” Alex frowns. That doesn’t make sense. Hearing an alarm go off in one of the rooms around them, Alex looks at the clock, “Shit, I gotta go. Kiss for luck?”

“You know it.” Michael throws his arms around Alex’s back and tips him backwards before planting a wet kiss on his nose. “Go get ‘em, tiger.”

**

Alex only has to wait two days before Florentino, the store manager who interviewed him for Best Buy, calls to tell him he’s got the job if he can be there that weekend to start his training. Alex agrees immediately even though he should finish writing his essay for Native American History. He probably wasn’t going to finish it anyway, having promised Michael he’ll sit through some _Star Trek_ if Michael will come to an open mic night with him on Sunday night. Michael acts like it’s no big deal, but the fact that he agreed to attend an open mic event, at which Alex isn’t even performing, has to mean he’s a bigger _Star Trek_ fan than he’s admitted so far. 

He gets the call from Florentino as he’s walking back from class, and he can’t wait to tell Michael that he’ll be contributing to their tiny household too. Michael pulls odd jobs for a mechanic whenever he can, often coming home with anywhere between thirty and one hundred untaxed dollars. Alex won’t be doing that, but it’s a first small step to finally breaking free from his dad. He has a student loan, but he’d still never be able to pay for tuition if it wasn’t for his dad, and that knowledge sickens him. He doesn’t want to owe his dad anything. 

He spots Michael a couple of yards outside the hall they live in, pacing by a tree. As he comes closer, Alex realizes Michael’s on the phone. He doesn’t mean to eavesdrop, but Michael stops pacing to rest against the tree opposite of where Alex is, and it just sort of happens. 

“Iz… You know I want to… It’s just not the right time. Alex and I are doing really well right now, and if I was to just leave… No, it’s not that I don’t want to… Max will tell you the same, it’s too soon. Manes is too close to us, to me. He’s watching my every move, I could hardly get to you during spring break.”

Something cold takes over Alex’s heart. Michael’s calling him ‘Manes’ now? After everything they’ve shared, everything they’ve told each other? They’ve made promises, damn it. 

“I can’t leave Alex right now, and you’re not ready.” Michael says. “End of discussion.”

Alex walks away. He needs to think. Is Michael leaving him? He refuses to believe all the nights they’ve spent turning each other on and inside out have all meant nothing, that the days they’ve spent laughing and smiling have been an illusion. 

“Alex! Hey, Alex!”

He turns around, sees Michael hurrying to catch up with him. He doesn’t know what to do. His still healing fingers twitch and he stretches them out. He hasn’t done his rehab exercises yet today.

“Hey, thought that was you.” Michael smiles, taking Alex’s hand in his as if nothing’s wrong. “I was talking to Jermaine earlier, you up for burgers and beer tonight?”

“Sure.” Alex shrugs. Michael’s hand feels so good in his, like it belongs there. He thought Michael felt the same. 

“You okay, man?” Michael jostles their joined hands.

“Yeah, just… got another fucking essay.” Alex lies.

“That blows.”

“Yeah.” 

Usually Alex is the talkative one, but this time Michael is the one keeping up a steady stream of gossip about Jermaine and the girl he’s gone on two dates with. Normally Alex would laugh along with Michael but he’s not in the mood right now. Michael must notice because he leaves Alex alone once they get to their room, choosing instead to take the laptop out into the common room and hanging out with whomever is around. 

Alex puts his headphones on, listens to Jeff Buckley while considering what he heard. It didn’t have to be about Michael leaving him. Actions mean more than words in Alex’s world, and Michael’s actions have definitely led him to believe they share something special, a bond that’s strong, defiant and tender. Alex loves Michael, has for months now. He hasn’t told him yet, not that he knows why. Maybe it’s that he’s protecting that last little piece of his heart that’s scared to be hurt, the part that’s survived his father’s abuse but has learned to never trust another human being again. Or it’s that he just hasn’t gotten around to it, and maybe now he never will.

But Michael’s talked a lot in the last weeks about Isobel’s blackouts and how she’s pushing herself mentally to a point where Max and Michael are worried for her. The conversation could’ve easily been about that, about her wanting Michael to visit her again, he’d said his last visit had helped. But then why the odd comment about not getting away from ‘Manes’ at spring break? It doesn’t make any sense.

**

Jermaine and his date, Tyra, are a great distraction, as are Agatha and Agnes like always. Alex forgets about his worries for a couple of hours as they all hang out, drinking beers and eating dodgy burgers at a place that doesn’t card. He shoots darts with Agatha and Michael, who is depressingly great at it, and they all stare openly at Jermaine and Tyra making out. 

It’s surprisingly fun, but the minute the door to their room slams shut behind them, Alex remembers what he heard that afternoon. Michael doesn’t notice the mood change, pressing up behind Alex and fighting with his shirt to get his hands on Alex’s skin. Alex thinks about stopping him, but then Michael dips his hands below Alex’s waistband.

“Want you so damn bad.” Michael murmurs into Alex’s ear, and it sends a shock of fire through Alex’s body right to his crotch. Michael’s been flirting with him all night, touching him at every chance and seeking his gaze. Everything Michael does tells Alex Michael wants to be with him. 

Michael pulls his hand out, making Alex protest at the loss of touch. Michael smirks into Alex’s neck, using both hands to undo Alex’s fly. Alex leans back, putting his weight on Michael. He watches as Michael pulls his dick out and gives it a couple of strokes. Alex takes one of Michael’s hands, brings it up to his face and spits into it, following with his tongue to spread the wetness. 

Michael brings him off like that, standing in the middle of their room, clothes still on and Michael’s hands stroking Alex expertly. He’s murmuring dirty words of encouragement into Alex’s sweaty skin, and Alex can’t think of anything but Michael, his touch, his voice, his adoration. He knows this is right, this thing between them. 

“Come on sweetheart, let me hear that pretty moan.” Michael says huskily, and it drives Alex over the edge, coming over Michael’s hands and dripping down on the flaps of his open jeans. 

He sighs, leaning back heavily against Michael’s firm body. He can feel Michael’s erection at the small of his back. He turns his head, searching out Michael’s mouth for a sloppy kiss. He feels Michael swipe at his thigh, then his hand is in Alex’s hair and turning him around into a hungrier kiss. He realizes Michael wiped his cum on Alex’s jeans but he can’t argue about it when Michael makes his toes curl by biting at his lower lip. 

Alex puts his arms over Michael’s shoulders in one of his favorite moves, lets Michael have his way with him for a moment. When he starts to practically hump Alex’s hip, he pulls away and keeps Michael’s gaze as he drops down to his knees. 

“Fuck, you’re so fucking hot. You’re the fucking best, you know that?” Michael murmurs, reaching out to touch Alex’s cheek. 

Alex quickly gets Michael’s belt and fly undone, pushing his jeans and underwear to the floor. Michael’s cock is hard and flushed red, begging for attention. It feels so good sliding into Alex’s mouth, and he can’t imagine ever giving Michael up. 

They doze for a bit afterwards, but neither fall asleep. They’re facing each other, but for some reason it’s hard to catch each other’s eyes. 

“You talk to Isobel lately?” Alex asks.

“Yeah. Today.” Michael says sleepily.

Alex is ecstatic that Michael’s not lying about talking to Isobel earlier. Alex is also an asshole for fishing for more information, but that doesn’t stop him from asking, “Did you talk about me?”

“Yeah.” Michael presses a kiss to Alex’s forehead, “Told her I don’t wanna leave you.”

Alex hides a smile in his shoulder. He played his cards well, and now he’s had it confirmed that Michael has no one in his sights but Alex.

“Talk like that and I might start thinking you like me.” Alex jokes.

“I like you, babe.” Michael yawns. “You have a great ass.”

Alex is feeling good about himself and their relationship so he shuffles closer, puts his arm around Michael’s waist. He lowers his voice, “Actually, I think you more than like me.”

“I think you’re right.” Michael whispers back. 

**

Despite Michael’s comforting words, it still bothers Alex a week later that Michael talked about ‘Manes’ almost keeping him from Isobel at spring break, and wonders if he’s missed something. It’s the only thing he still can’t make heads or tails of. Did he mean one of Alex’s brothers? His father, even? But why would they care about Michael? Alex has never told any of them that Michael was his boyfriend, though it’s probable they’ve heard through the grapevine by now. If his father knows, Alex wouldn’t put it past him to make Michael’s life a living hell. 

Alex wonders what his dad would think if he was dating an airman, or the son of one of his superiors. Would he approve of his choice of suitor then? Or would he think Alex was a bad influence and attempt to break them up? 

All the freshman Musicology students get to record a few compositions, which Alex is super stoked about. He hands Renita the lyrics to the three songs he’s written that she’ll be providing vocals for on the recording, and hopefully also at the end-of-year music show the Music Department puts on, though Alex hasn’t brought that up yet. He’d like to be brave enough to sing on a stage as big as the one in the campus auditorium, but he’s not there yet. Renita approaches him the next day and asks if he’s okay with her singing his words.

“It’s just that, it’s really personal. I mean, we all use music to deal with our problems in some way, but I’m scared I won’t be able to do this justice.” Renita says, obviously trying so hard to not offend Alex.

“I’m sure of it. Your voice will fit the key and I’ve heard you sing loads of different types of songs, you’ll do great.” Alex says, hiding the fact that he was nervous to show her the lyrics. Not even Michael has gotten to see them, though Alex has sung him little snippets here and there.

“I don’t know… Like, this is your story. It’s about breaking free and finding yourself and being mad… If I do this, you have to tell me what lines are important and if I’m singing it wrong. I really want people to feel the words like you feel them.”

Alex pulls her in for a side-hug, “And that’s how I know you’re the perfect choice to sing them.”

Renita allows the hug for a brief minute, “Ugh, I’m so gullible. Fine, I’ll do it.”

“Yes, thank you so much!” Alex gushes. He’s excited about it, they’re actually going to record his songs. It’ll only be his teacher and a few classmates that’ll hear the recording, but the whole process of producing the song is going to be highly interesting. 

“How’re your fingers? Better?”

“Yeah.” Alex spreads his fingers before making a fist. “They’ve stopped feeling like they’re constantly cold, so that’s good.”

“I’ve been meaning to say, the mittens you had all winter are really cool.”

Alex grins, “You think? Michael got them for me at Christmas.”

“Aww, that’s so sweet. He’s the guy that other song is about, right?” Renita waggles her eyebrows.

Alex wants to joke and laugh it off, but he’s quite touchy about those lyrics because it’s actually a song more about himself but if it wasn’t for Michael, Alex would still be struggling with a lot of stuff that he’s now come to terms with. For instance, enjoying himself when it comes to sex, and realizing family doesn’t mean love or loyalty. 

When Alex doesn’t reply, Renita asks, “Has he heard that song?”

“Nope.” Alex looks down at the table they’re sitting at in one of the on-campus cafés.

“I’m sure he’ll love it when he does.” Renita assures him. “Oh no. Kevan’s got a boyfriend? Brandon’s gonna be so upset.”

Alex is thrown by the change of topics and spins around to see Brandon’s crush hanging off of a really built older guy. He’s not discreet about staring at all so Kevan sees him and waves. Alex waves back.

“Smooth.” Renita snickers. “Dibs on not telling Brandon.”

“Oh come on! That’s not fair! You’re better friends with him than I am!” Alex protests. 

**

It’s May by the time shit hits the fan. Alex has gotten used to working a couple of shifts a week at the store, trying to cram in as much studying as he can during the weekend so he can work weeknights since those are the available shifts. He’s falling behind in some of his classes but he doesn’t want to admit it to anyone. He’s still in therapy, mostly focusing on tools and practices he can use when he flashes back to his dad beating him and he gets panic attacks. He didn’t realize that that’s what was happening, but after describing his adolescence and the anxiety he sometimes feels, Francine told him panic attacks didn’t always entail shortness of breath or dizziness. It’s made a lot of things make sense, like the panic he feels when he thinks Michael doesn’t care about him the same way he does. 

He continues to be as honest with Michael as he feels comfortable with concerning his therapy, and Michael is amazingly supportive. He asks so many questions about how he should treat Alex when he wakes up from nightmares, that Alex has to write them down and take them to his next session with Francine. 

They share the truck and whenever Michael needs it on a night Alex is working, he comes to pick Alex up afterwards. It’s kissing Michael hello in the parking lot that reveals his sexuality to his boss, and the look he gets isn’t great but Florentino says something about corporate liking diversity and nothing else comes of it, so Alex figures it won’t be a problem. 

Alex is still in his work uniform as he crosses the Best Buy parking lot one night to where Michael is parked. Michael is pacing back and forth beside the truck, one hand pressing the phone up to his ear, the other gesticulating wildly in the air. He’s talking loud enough for the entire parking lot to hear.

“Iz, no, I said you have to wait for me. I know things are bad!” Michael raises his voice even louder. “You and Max doing this alone is crazy. I can be there this weekend. I’ll tell Alex it’s your birthday or something. Oh come on, how would he know it’s not really your birthday?”

Alex stops. He knows he’s breathing, but he doesn’t know how. Why does Michael want to lie to him? How come he cuts himself off sometimes when he talks about growing up, and why hasn’t he still shown Alex that damn piece of glass? Why isn’t he being honest with Alex?

Surviving the Manes household taught Alex a few tricks, as has his therapy, and he combines it by simply shuttling his questions to the left and confronting the situation at hand. “Hey Michael.”

Michael swivels around, his hair actually bouncing for one sweet second. “Alex, fuck, Iz, I have to go, but you do not make a fucking move without me, understood?”

Alex waits until they’re in the truck, Michael gripping the steering wheel tight but not starting the engine, before opening his mouth. “Isobel again?”

Michael sighs, “Her blackouts are crazy. Max thinks she has a trigger, and that someone is using it to fuck with her.”

“Seriously?” Alex can’t believe what he’s hearing. That’s why Michael is lying to him? Because someone is, what, stalking his almost-sister? 

“She’s been losing snippets of time. Rosa Ortecho called her out on some stuff, and Isobel had no clue what she was talking about. Max talked to Rosa and… it’s bad.” Michael clears his throat, like he’s worried he’s showing too much emotion. “Anyway, it’s Iz’s birthday this weekend so I’m gonna go down there. I’m sorry, I know we were gonna go to the Nuclear Science Museum but–”

Alex laughs, “I think you’ll find that was your choice for a date venue, not mine. But yeah, you should go, we’ll take the museum next week. Hey, doesn’t that mean it’s Max’s birthday too?”

“Huh?” Michael’s attention is on finally starting the pickup and backing out of the parking space. 

“They’re twins, right?” Alex doesn’t know why Michael keeps telling him things that feel raw and honest and then mixes it with blatant lies. He could’ve just said he was going down to make sure Isobel was doing okay, but he chose to go with the birthday lie. Does he think he’s protecting Alex by not telling the truth? No, that can’t be it, he’s told Alex he thinks he’s strong and brave, he can’t believe Alex needs protecting. 

“Yeah, Max tends to let Isobel have her day though.” Michael says.

“Well, tell them happy birthday from me.” Alex says, frightening himself with how neutral he sounds. He reaches for the radio control and lets the music fill the silence between them.  
  
**

Alex spends the weekend going crazy. 

Michael takes off like a shot after his Friday morning Mathematics class, taking the gym bag he’d gotten from Max on his last visit to Roswell with him. Alex doesn’t want to act like a suspicious lover, but it’s hard not to when all the evidence is stacking up against Michael. He looks up Isobel and Max’s birthday, it’s in the middle of summer, not in May. 

He gets absolutely no studying done and gets far too wasted at a party on the Saturday, Jermaine helping him home because he’s a gentleman and a true friend. 

“Look, man, I don’t know what’s going on, but Michael loves you and he wouldn’t fuck that up. Not without a damn good reason.” Jermaine tells him the next day as he stops by to check on Alex around noon.

Alex thinks he knows what Jermaine’s talking about, “I said some shit last night, on the way home, right?”

Jermaine nods, “When I asked why you’d gotten trashed.”

“You think he loves me?” Alex asks quietly, feeling incredibly insecure.

“Yeah, man,” Jermaine grins, “he’s as fucking gone on you as you are on him. The two of you not made that clear yet?”

Alex shakes his head. 

“You should get on that. Might ease some of those worries you have.”

Alex sighs, “Yeah, yeah, be the voice of reason.”

**

Michael didn’t say when he’d be back but Alex assumed it would be Sunday evening. When he can’t stay awake for much longer that night, he calls Michael. To his surprise, Michael answers.

“Hi Alex, sorry I’m not home yet.”

“Where are you? When are you coming back?” Alex asks, the sound of Michael’s tired voice making him miss his boyfriend infinitely. He wants to talk to him, to sort the mess in his head out. He wants to know what Michael’s up to, and he wants to know he’s not stupid to think they’re in love with each other.

Michael sighs, “I’m still in Roswell.”

“What?”

“I’ll probably be here tomorrow too, but I’ll try to be back Tuesday. I know you need the truck tomorrow but–”

“I need you to tell me the truth! It’s not their birthday!” Alex explodes, too tired to rein in his emotions. “And if it was, why’d you need to stay two more days? You keep lying to me, and I want to know why.”

There’s nothing but silence on the line. 

Alex turns to lie on his side, fighting to stay calm, “You’ve been lying to me for weeks. Just tell me why. Don’t you trust me?”

“I do, fuck, Alex, you’re one of the few people in this entire world that I trust.” 

“Then tell me what’s going on.” Alex pleads. Michael’s quiet, and it hurts so damn bad. “Whatever, I’m going to bed, goodnight asshole.”

“Alex, wait–” 

He doesn’t hear whatever Michael has to say because he hangs up on him and puts the phone on silent. He still sees the phone light up three times in a row as Michael calls him back. Alex feels his stomach turn as he denies Michael the opportunity to lie some more. After half an hour Michael sends a text. 

_ Please, I’m sorry, we’ll talk when I get back.  _

Alex reads the message over and over. He’s twistedly happy that Michael’s begging for forgiveness, hopes that he’s managed to hurt Michael just like he’s hurt Alex. Michael should know what it feels like to doubt himself, to doubt _them_. He wants to believe that Michael will talk to him, that he’s gonna do right by Alex, but he doesn’t know if he can. 

He doesn’t fall asleep for hours, and when he does, he wakes up sweating from a nightmare where his father is hunting down Michael and Alex can’t do anything to stop him. His hand aches in a way it hasn’t in weeks. Sleep eludes him until he decides to take the sleeping pills he’s managed without for a long time and misses the morning discussion seminar for his Native American History class.

**

Music has always been there for Alex. It’s been his constant, kept him company through lonely years, comforted him after abuse and cheered him up when no one in the family home had time for him. It’s helped him scream out pain and healed wounds. It’s why he loves punk, emo, folk, pop, sad songs, happy songs, lyrics that enthrall him and lyrics that are stupid. Music is so much more than notes on a page, it’s the full spectrum of human emotions. 

He spends most of Monday afternoon banging out his frustration and fear on the drum set in the music hall. For the first time he skips a LGBT meeting without a real reason. He’s not in the mood for other people, and he’s definitely not in the mood for supporting others. The message must be getting through loud and clear because most people avoid him, and he gets to keep his encounters with others to a minimum. 

One encounter he can’t escape is the on-campus post office. He gets an email during the day that he’s received a package too large for the postbox he and Michael share, and that he has a week to collect it. Knowing he’ll probably forget it if he doesn’t do it straightaway, he heads over and stands in line for only a few short minutes before being asked for his student ID.

The clerk hands him the package, a large rectangular box that’s heavier than it looks, and asks him to sign for it. Alex hesitates, having no clue who could’ve sent him anything, and not having ordered anything recently.

“You want it or not?” The girl behind the counter asks. 

“Uhm,” Alex mumbles, but then he spots the ‘Uncle Jim’ on the sender’s information tag and relaxes, “yeah, I want it.”

Jim Valenti’s shown him a lot of kindness over the years. He’s distracted Alex’s father with stories or lies, he’s let Alex sleep over at the Valenti house, insisting that it was Kyle’s idea, and got out the first aid kit if he wasn’t there to stop the beatings. 

His biggest act of kindness was convincing Alex’s father that he should let Alex go to college. Alex doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to repay him for that. Jim hasn’t been in touch since earlier in the year, when he checked in on Alex after the Christmas shitstorm. He definitely hasn’t hinted a package was on the way, and Alex hurries home to find out what Jim’s sent.

He drops the package on his desk, grabs the scissors and start cutting through the tape. There’s a lot of tape, like Jim wanted to make sure whatever was in the package stayed inside. When he finally has it open, all Alex finds are newspapers. He shoves some of them around, and realizes something’s been wrapped up with the papers. The moment he catches a glimpse of the object in question, he knows he’s seen it before. He picks it up and stares in wonder. 

It’s not as big as the piece of glass Michael hides in his wardrobe, but it’s as beautiful and responsive. Alex stares at it for a long moment, not understanding. How can he be holding another piece of the unique glass, how does Jim know about it when Alex still officially doesn’t? Why has Jim sent it to Alex, and not to Michael?

He sweeps his fingers over the glass. It lights up, the colors changing, just like Michael’s glass had. It perhaps is a bit more transparent than Michael’s piece, but on the other hand it has more symbols on it. Alex wonders where the symbols come from, they’re similar to hieroglyphs but have a lot of circles in them. He turns the glass over, but no matter how he tries, he can’t find a hole or socket that it could be charged through. There’s no sign of batteries or electricity at all. 

Hit with a thought, Alex rummages through the newspaper and crows triumphantly when he finds a hand-written note. 

_ Alex  
Sorry  
Keep them safe  
Stay away _

Alex stares at the barely legible writing, the words written with something that look more like old runes rather than modern day letters. There are scribbled symbols all over the note, filling the paper with black and blue ink. He recognizes some of them from the glass. Following a hunch, he opens Michael’s closet and rummages around until he can get the hidden piece of glass out. It’s still wrapped up, so Alex doesn’t know if Michael has touched it since Alex first found it. Does Jim know that Michael has this glass? He must, there’s no way these two pieces aren’t connected somehow. 

Michael’s glass reacts to Alex’s touch this time too, and Alex brings it over to the bed where he’s placed the other glass. He puts them next to each other just to get a grasp on things when the impossible happens.

The pieces move of their own accord and meld together, letting out a light fizzing sound and sparkling relentlessly. 

“Fuck me.” Alex says under his breath. A noise outside startles him, and he hurries to the door to lock it, then turns the blinds on the windows. Whatever this is, it is not for the general public to know about. 

Freaking out, Alex gets his phone out. With trembling hands, he snaps a photo. He sends it to Michael, follows it with a quick ‘ _Get here NOW_ ’.

His phone rings not five minutes later. 

“Michael?”

Michael is frantic on the other side of the line, “Alex, where are you? Are you safe? Is anyone there with you? Who knows about the glass?”

“I’m alone, in our room. No one knows, I don’t think. I found yours a while back, and got the other part from Valenti today.”

“Another part? Is that why it’s so big? You got it from Valenti? The sheriff?” Michael sounds strangled.

“Yeah.”

“Fuck. Alex, Valenti died. He died this weekend.” 

“What?” Alex doesn’t understand what Michael’s saying. “But I got this today.”

“He must’ve known…” Michael trails off. “Please, okay, please just stay inside the room and don’t touch the glass. We have no idea what it does. It could be dangerous. I’m two hours out, will you please stay exactly where you are and not talk to anyone, I know you’re mad at me and we’ve got shit to figure out but please trust me on this. _Please_.”

Alex had completely forgotten their fight. “Yeah, okay, I’ll be here.”

“Thank you, sweetheart, thank you, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

**

A knock on the door a couple of hours later jolts Alex out of the meditative state he’s entered into. Since talking to Michael he’s mostly stared at the glass and let his thoughts of Michael, Valenti and secrets run around his skull. None of it has made any sense, and Alex feels utter panic is a justified feeling. Michael’s known about this glass for longer than Alex, and if he thinks it might be dangerous, then Alex will trust him on that.

“Alex, it’s me!” Michael calls out. 

Alex throws the duvet cover over the glass before opening the door carefully. He meets Michael’s wide eyes and somehow manages to convey to Michael to be cautious. Michael slips in through the tiny crack and pushes the door shut with his body, locking it behind his back.

Michael stares at Alex for a quiet second before pulling him in, “Fuck, Alex, I was so worried. I’m sorry, babe, I never should’ve gotten you into this mess.”

Alex lets Michael hold him for a minute because it feels good, it’s comforting and grounding and he definitely needs some of that at this point. “Mind telling me what mess that is, exactly?”

With a strangled noise, Michael lets go, “Yeah, uhm, suppose I should. Wait, where’s the glass?”

“On the bed.”

Michael walks over, folds the duvet away. “Oh… It’s beautiful.”

“Yeah.” Alex agrees. “I got a part of it today in the mail, from Valenti. When I took out your piece to compare it with, they just fused together. They moved on their own, I have no idea how, and just melded together.”

“What happened? Was there a noise, lights, vibrations, anything?” Michael asks, holding a reverent hand just above the glass. It makes the colors react like when Alex touches it. 

Alex shakes his head, “Not really. There was a buzzing and sparkling when it melded, but only for a few seconds. It’s been quiet since. Michael, I’m kinda freaking out.”

Michael turns around, looks positively torn. 

“Whatever this is,” Alex says when Michael doesn’t speak, “Valenti sent this thing to me with a note about staying away. Then you told me he died. Come on man, you gotta give me something.”

“Okay.” Michael takes a deep breath. “That glass is a piece of alien technology. I don’t know why he sent it to you, but he died over the weekend, and if he managed to send that to you, he probably knew he was in danger. He sent that to you to keep it from somebody else, he must’ve. Where’s the note?”

“Shit.” Alex slumps down heavily onto his chair. He grabs the note and gives it to Michael. “How did he die? I was online looking for news on Roswell yesterday, there was nothing about the sheriff passing anywhere.”

“Uhm… Mrs. Evans said it was cancer. I guess she heard from the sheriff’s wife, they’re friends.”

Alex frowns, he’s not sure he buys that explanation, but it’s plausible enough that he doesn’t pick a fight over it. “No one’s emailed or texted me anything. Our families are close, someone would’ve told me. They know how much he means to me.”

“I’m sorry.” Michael says, coming over to hug Alex. 

Just as Alex is about to start crying into Michael’s arms, he realizes he’s flown by a crucial part of Michael’s story. “Alien technology? _Alien?_ As in… not human?” 

“You heard that, huh?” Michael rubs a hand over his neck. He pulls his own desk chair over and sits down. “Alien as in not from this world.”

Alex starts to laugh, “Nope, no, not happening, you can’t sell that shit to this idiot, I’m not buying.”

Michael looks nervous, and a little hurt. “Last night when you were pissed at me, and said that I’m a liar… That’s what I’ve been lying about.”

“That the glass in your closet is alien? Honestly, babe, if that’s the story you’re going with…” Alex trails off. 

“How long have you known about that?” Michael asks instead of answering.

“I found it on accident, first of all, I wasn’t snooping. I was tidying when you were gone for spring break and wanted to put stuff in your closet but it didn’t fit, so yeah I was curious what was taking up space. I thought it was your secret Mechanical Engineering project, some type of power source or technology that was worth a lot in patents or something.” 

“It’s worth _people’s lives_ , do you understand? If this falls into the wrong hands, me and my family could be in big trouble.”

“Your family?”

Michael reaches for Alex’s hand, and his touch is so warm. “Max, Iz and me. I’ve been thinking about telling you for ages. Last year when we got together, a part of me wanted to tell you then. But I had the others to think of. Then we got serious real fast, but they don’t trust you, not like I trust you. They’re gonna freak out when they find out you know about this.”

Alex shakes his head, frustration building inside, “I still don’t know what _this_ is!”

“I don’t know for sure, but I think it’s something to do with our ship. I found it in the desert a few years back. The symbols must mean something, but if it’s letters or signs, and if it’s for controlling a ship or just doodles, I don’t know.” Michael moves over to touch the glass gently, “See the way it lights up? There has to be a reason for it. Where does it get power from? How did the two pieces know how to fit, are there other pieces out there waiting to be put together?”

Alex has to bring the conversation back to reality somehow, “You want me to believe you came here in a spaceship from a different planet. What planet, exactly?”

“I don’t know.” Michael waves a hand towards his desk, “That’s what I’m working on.”

Alex’s eyes widen, “The Enterprise? That’s what you’re working on with Jack? All that talk about trajectories and velocities, holy shit. Are you, wait, you’re working on building a spaceship. Okay, no, aliens aren’t…”

“Would it be easier for you to accept if I had blue skin and antennae?”

“Don’t be a dick.” Alex snaps. “You’ve been lying to me for ages and you expect me to believe a story involving aliens.”

“It’s the truth!” Michael exclaims.

“It’s insane!” Alex shouts back. “And you’re insane if you think I’ll believe it! I’m so fucking tired of you lying to me!”

“I’m not!” Michael argues. He slaps his hand down on his desk, and the next thing that happens is that two books that have been lying on the desk float up into the air. 

Alex stares at the books as Michael swears and does a weird little nod, the books easing back down and landing perfectly in place without even a thump.

“Fuck everything.” Alex whispers. “All those times that things seemed to have a life of their own… The lights flickering, things moving from one desk to another, falling to the floor for no reason whatsoever? You’re a mutant?” 

Michael laughs, startled. He puts a hand over his mouth. The laughter just gets wilder and louder. He folds over, head in his hands. “A mutant! He thinks I’m a mutant! Why is that easier to believe than the fact that I’m an alien?”

“It might not be accepted by mainstream science, but there are dozens of trustworthy reports of people with telekinetic powers. Also known as mutants.” Alex crosses his arms, glaring at Michael who is still laughing. 

“I don’t think calling people with special powers mutants is politically correct.” Michael says eventually. “I didn’t think you noticed the, uh, things falling down.”

Alex shifts in his seat, feeling a little flush coming on despite the weird nature of the conversation they’re having. “I notice everything about you. I’m so in love with you, that I look at your hair when you aren’t looking, that I get stupidly proud when you wear the bracelet I got you, and I wonder how you’ll look with mascara on. Yes, I’ve fucking noticed that inanimate fucking objects come to life around you.”

A slow smile, shy but proud, spreads over Michael’s face. “I notice you too.”

“Oh whatever.” Alex mutters, hiding his face in his shoulder. “Say I believe you about you being an alien.”

Michael lowers his voice, “We’re real.”

Alex nods. “So… why are you with me?”

“What do you mean?”

“If you’re an alien, what’s so special about me?”

Michael startles, “Alex, you… You’re amazing. You’re strong and brave, you believe that there is good in this world even if it’s only ever given you shit, you’re interested in every person you meet and you put up with me. I know I’m a lot, and you’re the first person to have ever believed in me. That’s why you’re special. Because you make me feel I belong. Liking you has nothing to do with me being an alien, I promise, no matter who your father is.”

“My father?” Alex’s heart freezes up in a second, the fuzzy sensation he got from Michael’s praise evaporating instantly. “What does my father have to do with this?”

“Fuck.” Michael curses at himself, like he hadn’t meant to let that slip.

“Michael.” Alex demands his attention. “What about my father?”

“Firstly, I know you’re not like him. I _know_ that, Alex. And I didn’t know for certain until just a few weeks ago that he’s hunting us. I promise, I didn’t know.”

“Hunting you?”

“Last time I was in Roswell, the three of us did something really stupid and drove around the desert, because Isobel’s woken up out there a few times after her blackouts. We wanted to see what happened if she was out there but clearheaded. It was okay, ‘til we started nearing an old military facility, Isobel started convulsing like crazy. Max watched it for a couple of days after that, and the only people walking in and out of that place was your dad and sheriff Valenti.” Michael stops. He glances away. “You, uh, remember when you told me the two of them talked about some weird mission they wanted to recruit you to?”

“They wanted me to hunt you?” Alex says, absolutely stunned. 

“I don’t know! I don’t know what plans they had, have, for you. I know you care about people, especially the ones that have no one else in their corner, so I know you wouldn’t be like them.” Michael pauses, nods over at the strange glass, “But now Valenti’s dead and he sent that to you.” 

“Fuck.” Alex feels a headache coming on. “I need some air. Can we go eat something greasy?”

**

They walk to one of the fast food places on campus, Michael pays for their order and they eat silently side by side. Alex is thankful Michael doesn’t attempt to speak to him. It’s yet another way that Michael gets him. He knows Alex needs time to think, to focus and not focus on the problem at the same time. Alex can’t remember ever explaining that to Michael, he just knew it anyway. It’s one of the many small things about Michael that makes Alex convinced he’s found the best boyfriend ever. 

After they finish their meal, they go for a walk around the campus despite the late hour, making it north of Lomas Boulevard where they usually never are, but Alex just let his legs decide the route. Michael seems content to tag along, holding Alex’s hand firmly. 

When they finally head back home again, two hours have passed mostly in silence except for a few greetings to acquaintances they’ve passed. 

“You’re throwing a party next week?” Michael asks, pointing at a flyer in rainbow colors on a noticeboard they pass. 

“Oh. Yeah, I’d forgotten about that. Next Tuesday, you bet your ass you’re going.”

“Of course.” Michael says, like he doesn’t have a habit of begging off LGBT club activities. 

“You’re really telekinetic, huh?”

Michael darts a look at Alex, as if he’s making sure Alex finally wants to talk. Alex raises an eyebrow at him. In turn, Michael pulls them to a stop and then makes various objects around them shake, like the tree to the left, the bust of some old professor to the right and a girl’s backpack. She screams at the weird sensation. 

“That’s just rude.” Alex admonishes, and Michael fights back a giggle. “Any other powers I should know about?”

“Uh, Max’s power is electricity. He can’t control it that well, he’s caused a couple of power outages through the years.” Michael gets a strangely proud look on his face, like he’s happy that he’s better at controlling his power than Max is. “Isobel is telepathic. She can influence people, see into their minds. That’s why the blackouts are so scary. She had them in junior high, since then she’s been very strict and practiced a lot, she has complete control. But now something is influencing her, and it’s freaking us all out.”

“And you think my dad is the one doing it? With Valenti?”

“We don’t know. We know that when she was near that facility, she flipped. When we got her out of there, she said it felt like a presence coming near her, that it was a feeling she could recognize even though she’s never had it before.”

“Fuck. But why send that glass to me? If Valenti was hunting you, wouldn’t he want to keep it, or use it somehow?” Alex suggests. 

“I don’t know.” Michael admits. “Max managed to get some notebooks from Valenti a while back, it was littered with the same symbols as the glass, some others too. We think he has even more information somewhere. But now he’s dead.”

Alex has managed to hold back the emotions from that particular news for most of the night, but he’s too tired and too mentally exhausted to keep it in any longer. “Jim…” 

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” Michael says, pulling Alex into a hug before he even knows he needs one to keep standing. “Come on, let’s get you home.”

**

Alex somehow makes it to the room with Michael’s help but once inside he tumbles to the bed instantly. Jim Valenti is dead. The only person that could rein in his dad, the one who had tried to help, who had stopped things from reaching a point of no return. The man who had convinced Alex’s dad to let him attend college instead of forcing him to enlist. 

He’s not aware that he’s crying until Michael’s holding him, brushing the tears away with tender fingers. He hadn’t known how much Jim meant to him until that moment, when he realizes Jim will never know how grateful Alex is for the care he showed him. Alex sobs, clinging to Michael. He thinks Michael tells him things will be alright, but he has a hard time believing those words.

They sleep next to each other that night, though calling it sleep is to be loose with the term. Alex finds it difficult to find rest, and when he does he’s usually slapped awake within moments by a bad memory of his father, images of what would happen if Jim wasn’t around. He wakes up with silent screams forcing their way up his throat, cold sweat making him sticky and uncomfortable in his own skin.

Michael’s there for Alex every time he wakes up, with a hand on his shoulder or waist within moments, silently offering comfort. He doesn’t get angry when Alex shakes the hand off, and doesn’t complain when Alex changes his mind and practically clings to him instead. 

At some point, Alex does drift off, but his slumber is cut short when his alarm goes off. Michael climbs over Alex to turn it off. He yawns as he gets off the bed properly. 

“I gotta pee.” Michael says, “Don’t get up, okay? I think you should take a day off.”

Alex just closes his eyes and turns onto his other side. He has two classes today, one of which is Native American History that he’s already behind in after messing up the essay, but his head is nowhere near ready to take in new information. 

Michael comes back after a little while, armed with two servings of microwaved porridge. They eat sitting cross-legged on the bed against one another, slurping loudly. Usually Alex complains about the noises Michael makes when he eats, but not today.

“Could you tell me more about being an alien?” Alex asks once he’s eaten as much as he can stomach, which admittedly isn’t much. “I think I believe you, but…”

“Sure,” Michael says, like he’s been waiting for Alex to start asking questions. “What do you want to know?”

“Just… anything, I guess.”

Michael takes pity on Alex’s confusion, and starts talking. Boy, does he ever talk. He talks about Max and Isobel, about hatching out of pods hidden in a desert cave, about hiding his powers, and about fearing for his life. It’s insane, none of it sounds real but it does sound _true_. Michael’s voice is full of emotions, like relief and hope, and at one point he gets up, starts walking as he talks. He’s laying it all out, how Isobel’s blackouts have led them to believe someone knows their secret, how Max keeps coming up with stupid ideas to lure their enemies out and that Michael has to keep running back to Roswell to stop his siblings from getting themselves killed. 

At one point, when Alex’s head is starting to hurt from the impossibility of Michael’s story being real but the startling insight that it probably is, Michael finally takes a breath and sits back down. He reaches for Alex’s hand, swipes his thumb over Alex’s knuckles. 

“I know it’s a lot. It’s a lot, right?” Michael searches Alex’s face. “You’re overwhelmed.”

“I… I don’t know.” Alex admits. He looks down at where Michael is touching him, but his focus goes to the weird glass that Michael’s half-hidden under the bed. “Yesterday, you mentioned that Jim might have sent that to me because he knew he was going to die.”

Michael takes a breath, obviously taking time to think through what he’s going to say. “I thought it was just cancer until you said it was Valenti that sent that to you. It can’t be a coincidence. Max starts looking into the sheriff, he dies suddenly and only days later you, the boyfriend of one of the aliens, receives that package? That’s some crazy happenstance.”

Alex purses his mouth as he thinks, “We don’t know that he knew we’re together. Why send it to me and not you, if he knew you’re an alien? Why tell me to keep it safe and to stay away?”

“Maybe he didn’t want your dad to have it.”

Narrowing his eyes, Alex feels like he might have stumbled upon something big, “Maybe Jim stole the glass, or dad doesn’t know it exists at all. Jim thought I was the safest bet to keep something from my dad, because you know, I hate the guy and want nothing to do with him.”

“That could make sense.” Michael allows.

“It does.” Alex groans in frustration, “There are too many unknown factors. We need more facts, we need to know what my dad knows.”

“What does that mean?” Michael wonders. 

“It means I’m going to Roswell.”

**

Michael is still arguing with Alex that night, telling him it’s too dangerous and that Alex can’t put himself at risk like that. He has no problem with Alex attending Valenti’s funeral, it’s what Alex wants to do besides that during his visit that Michael can’t get past. The last time Alex went up against Jesse Manes, he lost big time. Alex feels oddly serene about the whole situation. He would absolutely love to fuck his dad over. He’s still not entirely convinced aliens are real, or that the last two days haven’t been a hallucination brought on by stress. If it is true, then he is one hundred per cent on Michael’s side, and would’ve been even if there was no one after him and his siblings. Michael is finally as brutally honest about his life and secrets as Alex wants him to be, and Alex finds that his love for him hasn’t changed one bit. 

If he can help Michael, and make his father’s life miserable at the same time, he’ll do whatever he can to help. Alex has listened to Michael rant on and off for hours, has shut him out with headphones while preparing his notes for their discussion group in Mexican Literature, and even tried to make it stop by giving Michael head. That had made Michael moan about other things for a while. They’d even laid naked next to each other and traced fingers over sweaty skin, Michael seemingly amazed that Alex still wanted to have sex with him after the big reveal and Alex joking about his sexual powers hardly being out of this world. 

But here they are, hours later, and Michael is ranting again. 

“Michael, enough.” Alex finally snaps. “I need to like, not focus on this for the rest of the night. All I’m gonna do is install some spyware on my dad’s computer. Once I get that operational, I can hack my way into any other devices on the same network, like his phone or if he has another computer. He’ll slip up eventually, and when he does, I’ll know. It’s our best shot at finding out what the project with Valenti is.”

Michael shakes his head, “I just think it’s dangerous enough going down there for the funeral. To go back to your dad’s house is…”

“That’s why I’m letting you tag along, even though it’s much more dangerous for you seeing as you’re one of the aliens he’s likely hunting.” Alex points out, having given in on that argument hours ago. 

“There is no freaking way I’m letting you go back on your own.” Michael says angrily. He sighs, turns his attention back to the colorful glass that lies taunting them both on Michael’s desk. When Alex’s phone chirps with an incoming message, Michael asks, “Is that Liz?”

“Yeah, she says the funeral’s on Friday.” Reading the message makes Alex remember the loss again. Michael’s alien drama keeps distracting him, which is nice since it makes him think of other things than Valenti’s death, but it also sucks because every time he remembers it, it’s like he’s being stabbed in the heart.

Michael joins him down on the floor where Alex has been propped up against the bed with notes all around him. “I’m sorry. Believe it or not, I am sorry you lost him.”

“Yeah.” Alex whispers. “Me too.”

“Maybe you’ll believe me that I’m trying to talk you out of this because I don’t want to lose you?”

Alex looks into Michael’s caring eyes. He smiles, “I wanna play you one of my songs. Renita’s gonna do the vocals when I record it, but I want you to hear me sing it.”

“Okay?” Michael looks hesitant, like he’s not sure what the change in subject is all about. He accepts a kiss to his forehead from Alex but doesn’t lose the wariness in his eyes. 

Alex is at peace. He knows he’s gonna do his bit to help Michael against his father in whatever conspiracy game is at play. He knows Michael is committed to him and to their relationship. He knows that he’s having a weird couple of weeks but he’ll come out of it okay, and though he’s struggling right now with his classes, he’ll get back on track with that too. It feels weird worrying about college now that he’s apparently dating an alien, but he needs some semblance of normal human behavior in his life. 

He settles on the bed with his guitar, legs crossed in a picture reminiscent of the time last fall when he first played Michael a song of his. “There’s gonna be piano in this, to make up for the chords I can’t play as easily as before. So this might sound a bit slow and awkward in places, but it’s mostly about the lyrics anyway.”

Michael gets on the bed too, lying down on his side, arm bent at the elbow to hold his head up. He stays like that throughout the song, as Alex sings about being confused but resolved to get the happiness he sees in others, about being rejected but sure there must be something more, and about finding love, acceptance and comfort. They sort of stare at each other when Alex puts his hand over the strings, leaving a loaded silence between them. 

“Was that…” Michael clears his throat. “Is that a new song? I don’t recognize it at all.”

“I’ve been working on it away from here. Wasn’t sure how I wanted to let you hear it. You, know, since it’s partly about you.”

Michael reaches out, puts his hand over Alex’s left one. “I don’t deserve a song like that.”

“Yeah, well, I wrote it before I knew you were an alien.” Alex puts the guitar down on the floor gingerly. He lies down, mirroring Michael’s position. “But I chose to play it for you knowing you’re an alien. So that maybe you’ll understand why I’m not gonna let you talk me out of helping you.”

“Stubbornness really shouldn’t be attractive, but you make it work somehow.” Michael says, blowing a raspberry with his mouth. 

Alex laughs at the childish move, edges closer to kiss Michael instead, the two of them quickly encircling each other with arms and legs, rolling over so that Michael is on top of Alex. The kisses are slow, languid, like they can take as much time as they want. Michael has always had a warm body temperature, and this time he feels like a furnace on top of Alex, hands on Alex’s shoulders, his lips sucking on Alex’s mouth before pressing wet pecks to his jaw. 

“You know,” Michael says softly into Alex’s neck, “I’m in love with you too.” He pulls back, smiles so genuinely and hopefully at Alex. “In case that wasn’t obvious.”

Alex pushes Michael’s hair back from his forehead, “I kinda figured. But it’s nice to hear I wasn’t wrong.”

Michael grins, eyes lighting up happily. Alex thinks it’s adorable, so he drags Michael down with a hand on his neck, kissing him with an open mouth, pressing his tongue past Michael’s lips. They had sex only four hours ago, but they are teenagers after all, making out on the bed is always going to lead to sex. They’re both in sweats which do nothing to hide their erections as they fill in, Michael pushing his groin into Alex’s hip. Alex pants, meeting Michael’s thrusting, loving the feel of a hard dick against him. Sometimes being with Michael reminds Alex of why he is gay, the fact that he loves a hard chest pressed against his own, a dick rubbing and leaking against him. He can find women beautiful, but a woman’s body can never make Alex feel like a man does. And Michael has probably ruined him for all other men.

Luckily, they both like experimenting at times, exploring and expanding their sexual repertoire. Tonight is one of those nights as Michael ends up kneeling above Alex’s face while Alex fucks him with his tongue. It’s difficult to get the right angle and pressure, and Michael can barely hold the position without falling down on Alex’s face, but when they get it right it’s so hot. Alex spreads Michael’s cheeks with his hands, swipes his tongue over the little pucker and eases his way in, over and over again. Michael trembles and moans very loudly. They’ll definitely hear about this from their dorm neighbors tomorrow. 

When Michael can’t keep himself upright anymore, he turns, kneeing Alex in the eye in the process. He quickly apologizes, kissing the eye in question. When Alex thumps him in the shoulder, Michael completes his turn, ending up on all fours with his head above Alex’s groin. He widens his stance, his dick lowering into Alex’s face. Alex starts sucking him right about the same time that Michael puts his own mouth on Alex’s dick. They haven’t really mastered the art of the sixty-nine yet, but practice makes perfect. 

**

“I finally got a hold of Landon.” Alex says as he’s stuffing some underwear into his backpack the night before they’re driving to Roswell for the funeral. 

“Yeah? Is he coming?” Michael asks, lowering the volume of the music coming out of Alex’s Bluetooth speaker. 

“Yeah. So it’ll be him, Flint and my dad. I’m not worried about the guys being at the house when it comes to me getting my shit, but they will question why I’d need to be in dad’s office, so we should try to make our move when they’re all out.” Alex says. “I seriously need to be in class on Monday morning, so we need to drive back on Sunday. If we haven’t had a window of opportunity by Sunday morning, we need to create one.”

Michael’s looking at him the way he usually does a couple when he’s minutes away from jumping him. “Not gonna lie, it’s kinda hot when you talk like that.”

Alex rolls his eyes, “Focus. They’ll all notice if I skip the reception at the Valenti house. But Landon’s the only one on personal leave, he’s the one that we’ll have to get out the house for sure. Dad and Flint, that depends on their schedule on the base, but hopefully they’re out all day.”

“Will they notice that you’re there with me?” Michael asks. 

Alex sighs, sits down on Michael’s lap which makes the chair creak ominously. “I’m still not sure you should come with me. I can sit with the Ortechos.”

“I can’t stop you from doing this. But I am not going to let you be in the same place as your father without me.” Michael’s tone leaves no room for discussion.

Alex hums. He pulls Michael’s locks away from his eyes. “You would look so hot with eyeliner.”

“I doubt I can pull it off as well as you. You’ve been using a new one lately, right? Or you put it on differently.”

“I’m trying a liquid one. Not sure I like it.” Alex sighs. “I wish I had time to dye my hair, can’t believe I’m going back to Roswell with my roots showing.”

Michael runs a hand through Alex’s hair, “It looks fine to me.”

“Yes, I know that, but you’re hardly a reliable witness when it comes to my looks.”

“What?” Michael pulls back, affronted, “I am the number one source of valid intel when it comes to how goddamn great you look.”

Alex smiles, awards Michael a small kiss, “I love that you think I’m hot, but you never mention when I have new zits or my eyebrows need plucking, I gotta find that shit out myself in the mirror.”

“You pluck your eyebrows?” Michael asks.

Alex suppresses his laughter by shoving his face into Michael’s shoulder. 

**

Alex brought the one black suit he owned with him to UNM. He left a lot of other clothes behind, mostly old sweatshirts and jeans that didn’t fit well, but some stuff that he misses too. He also left almost all his possessions, like a whole shelf of books that let him mentally escape the house he was forced to live in, photos that he took over the years, the ladybird lamp he had in his window since he was eight, and many other things that he’s making a mental list of as they’re driving to Roswell. Alex considers what things he wants to take back to Albuquerque with him, and what things he’ll have to let go of. The bookshelf itself is a goner, but when he thinks of the books that carried him through the terrible years after coming out, it’s hard to imagine abandoning them. 

“We didn’t bring any boxes.” Alex says, halfway to Roswell. He’s absent-mindedly stretching his fingers out, massaging them in-between the exercises. “And how’s it all gonna fit in our room?”

“Sanders has a whole stack of moving boxes at the junkyard. We’ll get as much as we can into the truck, and if there’s something that won’t fit, or we think it’s gonna be too much for the room, we can keep it at Max’s for the time being.” Michael says. 

“Oh really? You’ve cleared this with Max, have you?” Alex is less than convinced Max will want a fortress of moving boxes in his room for an indefinite amount of time. 

“You actually pull this off so we can monitor your dad’s work, Max’ll let you do much more than keep some boxes in his room.”

Alex raises an eyebrow, “Is that right? He did always strike me as bi-curious.”

“Not what I meant! Shut up!” Michael exclaims. 

“Don’t worry,” Alex leans over to give Michael’s cheek a smooch, “You’re the only alien for me.”

**

It feels like the whole town is at the funeral. It’s no surprise, Valenti lived all his life in Roswell and was sheriff for nearly a decade. He knew everyone, and everyone knew him. 

Alex knew him better than most, on account of their families being close. Jim was there on holidays, vacations and little league games. So was Kyle. Alex catches a glance of Kyle now, in the front row with his head down. He feels sorry for him, despite all the crap he’s put Alex through in the last couple of years. He doesn’t like the person Kyle’s turned in to, but he remembers the kid that used to go monster hunting with him at the cabin and told him ghost stories well into the night. He doesn’t want that kid to lose his father.

“You wanna go up there?” Michael asks quietly. 

“Nah.” Alex shakes his head minutely. “I’m good here.”

They’re sitting a couple of rows back, surrounded by random people from town. The Evans family are behind them to the left. Alex’s dad and brothers are sitting right behind Kyle and his mother. Alex finds it difficult to look at his dad. For the first time, it’s like he’s having a physical reaction to seeing the monster that has mistreated him for so long, and he doesn’t know how to deal with it. It used to be that he had to get up in the morning and join his dad for breakfast and that was that. Not getting a break from his dad was just another part of the torment. 

But now he’s gotten away. He doesn’t have to share a house with his father, doesn’t have to see his hideous snarl and angry eyes whenever he comes home. He hasn’t seen his father in months, has only had sporadic contact with his family. He’s had time to process and to heal, not just physically but mentally too. His therapist warned him that he might have some sort of reaction to going back to Roswell and seeing his father again, but Alex disregarded it, certain he’d just push his feelings about the abuse aside like he always did before. 

Thankfully, Alex told Michael about the potential anxiety trigger awaiting them in Roswell, and Michael’s now shielding him, keeping himself between Alex and his family, and using surprising charm to make people go away when they come over to talk to Alex.

“Let me know if you wanna leave, yeah?” Michael squeezes Alex’s hand. “You’re doing great.”

“You think everything I do is great.” Alex jokes. 

“Well, yeah.”

A hush falls over the gathered crowd as the priest steps forward, silently demanding their attention. Alex gives him it, for the most part. Sometimes his eyes fall upon his father, wonders if he even knows Alex is there. He has to, there’s no way Alex and Michael could’ve shown up twenty minutes before the ceremony started and not have been spotted. His dad has always had an almost paranoid need of knowing who, and what, is around him, his military training teaching him to constantly be aware of his surroundings. 

When he gets too distracted by thoughts of his father, Alex changes his focus to Michael’s hand in his, his warmth seeping through where their shoulders are touching. It’s so much easier to think about Michael. Even though he has so many questions about Michael’s life, his powers and what it means for them as a couple that they aren’t from the same planet, those questions don’t terrify and numb him the way thinking about his father does. 

They all stand up as Valenti’s casket is carried out. Alex’s dad is one of the pallbearers. He walks past just feet away from where Alex is hiding behind Michael’s shoulder, rubbing his fingers together unconsciously. Jesse doesn’t turn to look in his direction, eyes forward and cold like always. 

“That was intense.” Michael says later, when they’ve all filed out of the church and most people are milling around sharing awkward small talk and comforting hugs. 

“Your dad was acting scarier than usual.” Max says.

Alex, Michael, Max and Isobel are all standing off to the side, pressed up against the wall of the library next to the church. Michael and Alex filled the twins in on the plan last night over Skype, in addition to the fact that Alex now knows about aliens. They were less than thrilled, but for the time being they seem fine with pausing their anger if it means Alex can get them closer to finding out what Manes knows about alien life.

“You’re right,” Alex agrees, “which is weird. He wasn’t even trying to make nice to people, it’s like he was just there because he had to be. He didn’t even flinch when Kyle’s mom mentioned him in her eulogy.”

“Is that suspicious to you?” Isobel asks, interest piqued. 

“Yeah. It is. He’s all about appearance, making people believe he’s a good guy.” Alex looks down at his hands, adorned with the black nail polish and silver rings that Jim had said was fine for Alex to wear if he wanted to. Jim had hardly been an active LGBT rights supporter, but he had supported individuals, and everyone’s right to be themselves. He sighs, “I should talk to Flint or Landon, find out their plans for the weekend.”

“I’ll come with you.” Michael says. 

“Hey, Alex,” Max says as Alex and Michael pull their suit jackets back on. “We appreciate that you want to help. But don’t do anything stupid. Don’t put yourself at risk.”

“He won’t.” Michael answers for Alex. He looks at Alex as he firmly states, “I won’t let him.”

“’Kay. See you back at our house?” Max asks. 

“Yeah, I don’t think we’ll be at the funeral reception for more than an hour. Depends on my family, I guess.” Alex says. “Thank your mom again for letting us stay at your house.”

“Are you kidding? When she heard Michael was dating you I think she finally thought there was some hope he’d become a model citizen after all. I think she wants to know all about what you see in him.” Isobel smirks, “She’s not the only one.”

“Oh great Alex, people that should mind their own business are gonna interrogate us over pot roast.” Michael snarks. 

Alex frowns, “There won’t actually be a pot roast, right? I’m trying to cut down on my meat intake. I don’t think I can be a full-on vegetarian, but I wanna try at least.” 

“You’re in luck, our mom loves her veggies.” Isobel says.

Flint and Landon are by Landon’s car, talking to some men Alex recognizes as Air Force people. He catches Flint’s attention, nods his head for Flint to come join him. Thankfully, Flint must want an excuse to walk away, because he comes over immediately. They share a hug that’s mostly for show, both painfully aware of what their father thinks about expressing emotions in public, especially if you’re a man. Flint gives Michael a stink-eye. 

Alex rolls his eyes, “He’s here whether you like it or not.”

“I’m not the one you have to worry about.” Flint replies.

“Yeah? So you do know what your dad’s done to him for years?” Michael snarls, stepping in front of Alex. 

“Michael,” Alex puts a hand on his arm, making him stand down. “Not now. Not here.”

Flint stares at Michael angrily, “You think Alex was the only one growing up in that house?”

“I know he’s the only one who hasn’t joined the Air Force.” Michael says. 

“Not now. I mean it.” Alex snaps at both of them. “Flint, what’s your and dad’s shifts like this weekend? Are you gonna be at the base?”

“Why? You wanna visit like a good son?” Flint asks sarcastically. 

“I wanna know when it’s safe for me to come pick my things up from the house.” Alex says matter-of-factly. He senses Michael tensing beside him, but there’s no point in concealing this part of the plan. Alex really is there to collect the things that matter the most to him, and there’s no reason for Flint to lie about their father’s schedule that weekend. 

“You really are getting the hell out of this place, huh? Going to college, singing songs, getting a boyfriend.” 

Alex hears the words, and like usual with his brothers they can be both spiteful or supportive, depending on how you choose to hear them. They all learned years ago to speak in a monotone voice that doesn’t reveal whether a statement is positive or negative. It was a way of speaking they developed to get away with shit in front of their dad, of saying things he’d think were hurtful but were really understanding. They all still stuck to it when it came to the family and emotions. 

“I’m not gonna let him control me anymore. That part of my life is over.” Alex says defiantly. 

Flint just nods, “Full shift tomorrow for the both of us. I’m supposed to be out there at nine, so he’ll get us there by six, I guess. You should be good until way into the evening.”

“Thanks.” Alex says.

“Landon said something about going around visiting friends so I guess he’ll be out for most of the day too.” Flint looks over at their older brother, who has moved on to talk to some woman in a much more flirtatious way than is strictly appropriate for a funeral. “I should get us out of here. One more thing, though.”

“What?” Alex asks.

Flint grins, looks at Michael, “Him? Guerin? You finally get a boyfriend and you pick fucking Guerin? Is this just to piss dad off?”

“Hey!” Michael steps closer. 

Alex smiles widely, stops Michael with a soft tap to his shoulder, “Nah, that’s not why I picked him. But I’ll be honest, it is a pretty hot bonus.”

Flint rolls his eyes and wanders off. 

“Your brother’s an asshole.” Michael mutters, putting a protective arm around Alex.

Alex leans back into Michael’s hold, “Yeah, I know.”

“How can you stay so calm with him? He didn’t even try to contact you after your dad beat you with a hammer.”

Alex doesn’t appreciate the reminder, but he just closes his eyes and inhales slowly. “You don’t know what it was like growing up in that house, it was every man for himself. Which is the ultimate irony, ‘cos all dad wanted for us was to be Air Force men who didn’t leave anyone behind. He’s the absolute opposite of the ideal he holds so dear, and he doesn’t even see it.”

“Come on, let’s get to the funeral reception.” Michael tugs on Alex’s arm, shooting one last glare at Alex’s brothers before leaving. 

**

That evening, the four teenagers drive out into the desert and the aliens showcase some of their abilities to Alex. He stares as Max makes an old transistor radio come to life without batteries, the others laughing at his reaction. As the night comes creeping in they share stories, ranging from childhood memories they can’t quite reach to impossible pranks pulled in junior high. Michael tugs him in close when Alex shivers from the cold, and at some point Alex realizes he’s being held by his boyfriend in front of the people Michael considers his real family, and it makes Alex’s knees go weak. 

Alex and Michael sleep on a pullout couch at the Evans house, but it’s not the couch’s fault that they get little rest that night. Alex keeps jerking awake, sights of Jim and his father being lowered into the ground plaguing him. Michael’s there to shush and comfort him, but there’s only so much he can do. 

At ten in the morning Michael knocks him on the shoulder and gestures that it’s time to go. Alex has had his fingers on the flashdrive in his pocket for the last half hour, but he still pulls it out to double check. 

“You sure you wanna do this?” Michael says once they’re in the truck. “Last chance to change your mind.”

“Just drive.” Alex says, steeling himself. 

They’re at the house twenty minutes later. They both sit quietly, looking up at the non-descript two-story building, identical to all the other houses on the street. There’s no car out front, meaning Landon’s gone too, just like Flint had said. 

“Okay. Let’s get this over with.” Alex says, because he can’t deal with a breakdown now. He feels weird, like his body is reacting to some physical resistance and wants out of there.

They carry the folded up moving boxes into the house, and Alex is honestly surprised his key still fits in the lock. Nothing’s changed inside. Alex points up the staircase. 

“My room’s upstairs. I’ll tell you what to pack, then join you after I’ve installed the spyware.” Alex says.

“What? No, I’ll stand guard while you do that.” Michael counters.

“Stand guard? Michael, don’t be stupid. We’re alone.” 

“Right now, yeah, but he could come back for any reason at any time, or Landon could, or the installation takes longer than you think. I am not leaving you alone in this house!”

Alex is taken aback by Michael’s outburst, and the wild, pleading look on his face. “Michael, I…”

“You can’t ask me to leave you alone here. You can’t.”

“Okay.” Alex nods. “Let’s get the boxes upstairs though, so that if someone does come home, our cover isn’t completely blown.”

The door to Alex’s room is closed, but opens with the same creak as always. The creak that meant Alex couldn’t sneak out without being heard. All the doors in the house creaked, and it used to drive Alex insane. It was one of the few things the Manes brothers would complain and joke about when their father was gone, but none of them ever oiled the hinges. 

Alex lets Michael look around for a few minutes, watches him as he takes in the posters, the books, the bed. Michael looks so curious, and so sad. Alex walks over to him eventually. “Hey. I’m good. I don’t live here anymore. I’m with you.”

Michael rests his forehead against Alex’s, “I just hate the thought of you here, of him hurting you.”

“I know. Come on, his office is downstairs.”

Alex leads the way, stopping in front of the right door. “It’ll be locked.” He feels the handle, and sure enough it doesn’t open. 

“Luckily for you, I have a remedy for that.” Michael closes his eyes and tilts his head forward. Alex watches as the door pops open an inch. 

Michael winks and walks first into Jesse Manes’ sacred space. It’s a boring room, exactly how an evil villain on TV would have it set up with a wall of shelves at the back and a desk in the middle of the room, computer on top. Alex sits down, gets his laptop out of his backpack and gets to work. 

All told, it takes about half an hour to crack the login, find a folder to hide the program in and wipe his tracks. He cracks a few more passwords, goes through some folders in search of anything pertinent. It’s all disappointingly mundane and civilian, nothing Air Force or military related. Nothing alien related neither, for that matter. 

“You done? Can we go already?” Michael asks, like he has every minute since Alex sat down. 

“Yeah, okay.” Alex relents finally, he’d love some more time to install a virus or two, but they should get a move on. The longer they stay, the bigger the chance that a Manes family member returns home.

Alex shuts the computer down, tucks the flashdrive into his pocket and makes sure the room looks the exact same as when they entered. Michael uses his powers to lock the door behind them. 

His bedroom feels like another person’s home. The things are all his, but he doesn’t feel at home here. That feeling is reserved for Albuquerque now, for the room he shares with Michael. He points at the dresser and closet containing clothes that Michael can just throw in the boxes without care. Alex takes care of his CD’s and vinyl records, takes down his posters. He doesn’t know what he’ll do with them, but he can’t leave them up. The musicians on them have meant too much to him to leave them staring out over an empty room in a cold house. He figures Michael won’t mind if a few of them show up on the walls of their room, he has so far shown no interest in anything close to interior decoration. 

Michael starts carrying the boxes out to the truck while Alex goes through his desk and nightstand. He finds a couple of notebooks, some expired chocolate candy and a necklace he thought he’d lost. He packs the notebooks and puts on the necklace but leaves the candy. 

When Michael says there’s plenty of room left in the bed of the truck, Alex instructs him to start packing all the books into the remaining boxes while Alex ventures out into some other rooms. He knows his dad will be pissed he took things that aren’t technically his, but it’s not like he’ll care enough about bedsheets and coffee mugs to storm over to Albuquerque. Alex takes the navy blue duvet cover and the matching pillowcases that were always his favorite, but anything that has some sort of military insignia or reference, like most of the towels, he doesn’t even touch. 

He doesn’t go into his brothers’ or father’s rooms. He makes sweeps of the toilets, the kitchen, and the game room that was their one luxury. He snatches the _FIFA_ and _NHL_ PlayStation games that the others think are lame since they’re not about shooting people and pretending you’re at war. He saves the living room until last. On the lowest shelf of a cupboard in the corner, there are photo albums. His hands shake as he reaches for them. 

“Alex?” Michael comes looking for him eventually. 

Alex sniffs, turning the page. He feels Michael come up behind him, slide a hand up his back and grip his shoulder tight. 

“Pickup’s loaded. We’re not gonna fit it all at home, we’ll work something out with Max. You want something more with you?”

“Yeah.” Alex clears his throat, “Some photos. I’m just trying to find them.” 

Michael’s quiet for a moment, lets Alex slowly go through the album he has in his hands. Alex can sense that Michael wants to leave already, but Alex hasn’t found the photos he remembers of his mother, and if he goes too fast, he might miss them by accident. 

“What are you looking for?” Michael asks. 

“My mom. When she left, he got rid of everything. The clothes she left behind, photos, shampoo, even frying pans. Anything that reminded him of her, he tossed out. About five years ago, I was told to tidy this cupboard as punishment for doing something I can’t remember. I got stuck going through the albums, and I found pictures of her, pictures he hadn’t taken away. He’d probably forgotten about them.” Alex turns around, finds strength in the simple way Michael holds him. “I was too afraid to take them then, what if he found them in my room? But now, I don’t care.”

“Remember which album?” Michael asks.

They work through a few albums together, Michael setting a higher tempo and only pausing when there’s a woman in the picture that he can’t place. It’s not until Alex notices there are photos missing from the album he’s flicking through that he realizes what happened. 

“That fucking bastard. That fucking bastard!” Alex yells.

“What?” Michael looks over in alarm. 

“Don’t you see? Look at this!” He holds out a page with three photos instead of four. “He’s taken them out. The fucker took the fucking pictures out! He must’ve remembered at some point.” 

Alex throws the album down on the floor, grabs the one Michael’s holding out of his hands, angrily turns the pages until he finds another place that’s empty where there should be a photo. On a mission, he pulls album after album out of the cupboard, flicks through them quickly before discarding them on the floor. 

“Alex, come on, sweetheart, don’t do this.” Michael tries, grabbing after Alex’s hands.

Alex pulls away, arms flailing as he explodes, “Don’t what?! Don’t you get it? He took her out of our lives forever! He wiped her out of our brains! And for what? So we’d love him? None of us do! We don’t even love each other! We hate him, but he managed to tear us apart just the same.”

“Okay, it’s time to go.” Michael says calmly, stepping closer. 

“He… he’s… he’s taken everything from me. Everything!” Alex screams the last word.

“Come on. I’m taking you out of here.”

They leave the mess on the floor, Alex uncaring if his father sees and realizes Alex has been in the house. He was bound to figure it out at some point, considering the now mostly empty state of Alex’s room. 

Michael’s right, the truck is full of boxes and random bags, there’s no way they can take it all back with them to the dorm.

“You had all your things with you when school started, and it fit in what, two duffels? I have all this crap, because I grew up in a house and with a dad who had a fixed income.” Alex says bitterly. He’s so tired, feeling absolutely drained. He knows it will hit him later, the fact that he’s been in the house for the very last time, destiny allowing. He’s happy, when he takes a moment to consider what he’s done today and for whom. Michael’s there with him, and he makes Alex’s mood so much brighter by merely existing. 

Michael is just about to back out of the driveway when another truck turns onto it. It’s only one thirty in the afternoon and the only person that should be approaching the house right now is Landon. But Alex recognizes that truck anywhere, and it’s not Landon’s. 

“Fuck.” Alex curses. 

“That him?” Michael asks. 

“Yeah.”

“You wanna stay, or you wanna go?” 

Alex watches as the other truck comes to a stop beside them, his father climbing out of it. He’s in his uniform, and he takes off his sunglasses to stare at Alex and Michael through the windshield. There’s a part of Alex that wants to cower. There’s a much, much bigger part of him that has no interest in ever backing down from his father again. 

He throws the door open, gets out and rounds the front of the truck. He hears Michael step out after him.

“Alex.” His dad glares at Alex, ignoring Michael’s entire being. “I know you think you know what you’re doing. But you have never been in more danger.”

Alex scoffs, “Are you threatening me? Really?”

“You shouldn’t be worried about me.” Jesse’s face shifts into an angry sneer, “That boy is so much worse than you understand.”

“His name is Michael. And you don’t get to talk about him like that.” Alex warns, stepping closer. He can feel his anger building. 

“You don’t get to bring him to the house.” Jesse counters. “Yeah, that’s right, your brother told me of your little plan to get in and out while I wasn’t here. You know I’d never let this piece of trash into my home.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t be coming back.” Michael promises. “Neither will Alex.” 

Jesse glares at Alex, as he points at Michael, “You think he’ll look out for you? You think he cares? He doesn’t. All he cares is about protecting himself and hurting people.”

Alex laughs harshly, “You’re describing yourself! You’re the one who doesn’t care, who hurts everyone! Michael loves me, do you even begin to comprehend how that feels? He is kind, and smart, and generous and every word no one would ever use to describe you. I am done with you. You are absolutely nothing to me and I simply don’t care. Don’t ever contact me again. Goodbye.”

Jesse moves after Alex, prompting Michael to yell. Alex turns around, dodges his father’s hand.

“He’s lying to you.” Jesse hisses. “He doesn’t love you. His kind, they are not capable of loving. All they want is to destroy the human race.”

“His kind? You mean, the gay kind?” Alex shakes his head. “First of all, he’s bi, not gay. Secondly, I guess that means you think _I_ want to destroy the world too.”

“You’ll be part of it, if you stay with him.” Jesse finally turns directly to Michael. “I know what you are, boy. You’re not getting away with it.”

“We leave now, or I kill him.” Michael seethes, and there’s no give in his voice to indicate he’s exaggerating. 

“I don’t want you in prison.” Alex turns for the truck. “I need to have all that perverse sex with someone that can keep up.”

Jesse doesn’t react, keeps his eyes on them as Michael starts the car and reverses them out of the driveway. Because he’s still a teenager, a month away from turning nineteen, Alex flips Jesse off as they turn and take off. He slumps back in his seat, sighs. 

“He’s a piece of shit, he doesn’t deserve anything from you.” Michael says. 

“I know.” Alex closes his eyes, tries to block out all the thoughts and emotions that are about to come crashing in. 

Michael seems to take the hint, and stays quiet as he drives them across town. Alex feels both sad and happy. He’s sad that this is what it’s all come to, but he’s happy that he’ll never have to return to the house again. He wonders what his brothers will think, how his dad will twist Alex’s final escape. Even if they’re not close, they still understand each other better than anyone, and it will suck if he has to give his brothers up completely. 

“Where are we going?” Alex asks, looking around.

“I’m hungry. Guessing you are too.” Michael explains. “The Crashdown fine dining enough for ya?”

“The finest.” Alex agrees. “Can we get it to go? I don’t feel like sitting around with everyone staring at the stuff in the truck.”

Michael doesn’t have a problem with that, and when they get to the diner, Michael goes in to order and then they both wait while sitting on the hood of the truck. 

Michael looks around, lowers his voice, “I think we can conclude he knows about me. He wasn’t talking about the gay kind, but the… not-so-human kind.”

“Honestly, I think he might’ve meant both.” Alex says. “I’ve always thought he hates me because I’m the son who dares to be gay, but I don’t think he’s on the verge of committing a hate crime. He cares too much about his image for that. His opinion on your other, uhm, situation, I have no clue about. But he did sound kinda insane, didn’t he?”

Michael scratches at his neck, “Felt a bit like he was telling me he was going to kill me.”

Alex snorts, “You mean like you told him?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Michael waves the comparison away. “His threat was a whole lot more realistic than mine. Arturo’s waving at us, I think our order is up.”

**

Alex doesn’t have it easy the following week, thoughts swirling about the funeral, the confrontation with his dad, and about Michael potentially being under threat. But his teachers quickly remind him that the end of the semester is nearing and there are finals to study for and presentations to give. Somehow, Alex makes it through, spending hours in the library and making himself a little schedule to keep his studying on track. He’s even blocked off time each evening to check in on the spyware he installed on his dad’s computer and is slowly going through the information and files he’s been able to gain access to. Anything that looks interesting he tells Michael about, who decides whether it’s interesting enough to forward to Max and Isobel. So far the only thing worthwhile have been airplane tickets and an assortment of equipment orders from a suspiciously large amount of suppliers.

Max has scoured the notebooks he found in Valenti’s office at the sheriff’s station earlier that year and somehow concluded that Valenti had kept the second piece of glass secret, and that he was unaware of another piece existing. Alex isn’t sure he agrees, from what he’s seen of the notebooks they’re full of nonsense and ramblings that can’t be relied upon, but Michael and Isobel trusts Max’s judgement so Alex accepts it. The twins are keeping an eye, hopefully discreetly, on Alex’s dad’s activities in Roswell, and nothing he’s done since Valenti’s funeral has hinted that he is in the middle of a search for alien glass. 

Causing Alex the most anxiety is the music show he and his classmates are putting on in the auditorium in the last week of the semester. Sure, it’ll probably only be other music students and friends there, but it’s still scary to put himself out there like that, especially since his fingers still cramp up unexpectedly. He finally gets to record his songs, which raises his sprits immensely. He listens to the recordings over and over, obsessing about every little detail. He plays them for Michael, who says he doesn’t like the songs as much when Renita sings them as when Alex does, which is sweet but not helpful.

Michael’s sweet in other ways too. He touches Alex randomly whenever they’re close, uses his telekinesis to fetch towels to clean them up after sex, and lets Alex put mascara on him. The last part happens when he accompanies Alex an LGBT club party, wearing the leather bracelet that Alex got him for Christmas. It takes a lot of drinks, but eventually Michael joins him on the dancefloor. They’re as co-dependent as ever but it works for them, so Alex decides to not let it bother him. 

“Why do you bring this up, Alex?” Francine asks at their next session. 

Alex fights the reflex to say ‘I don’t know’, and considers the question instead. “I guess it just proves that I was right. That he didn’t like lying to me, and he was acting weird because of it. Now that I know what it was about, he can be open with me, and things are good again.”

“That’s great. It sounds like he cares about you a lot.”

“He says he loves me.”

“Do you believe him?” Francine asks.

“Yes.” Alex answers without hesitation. 

“I want you to think about that. Not as homework, just as a comparison to what we talked about in our first few sessions. About you feeling like you deserved to be loved, but being unloved by the people you depended upon growing up. Now, someone is loving you, and you’re still you. Just think about that.”

Alex glances down at his fingers, nail polish chipped again. He fights back tears. “Okay.”

“As homework, I want you to remember that breaking things off with your father is your choice, not his.” Francine closes her notebook, “It’s normal to feel guilty about such decisions, and to regret them. When that happens, I want you to write it down and we’ll talk about it next week.”

“Sure.” Alex agrees, standing up. He leaves feeling drained, and stops by a toilet in the hallway to wash his face. 

When he exits the building, he gets a few steps down the stone stairs before he hears a whistle. He turns his head and sees Michael. With a smile, he walks over. 

“Drink?” Michael holds out a soda. 

“Yes, oh man, yes.” Alex takes the bottle, drains half of it before slumping into Michael’s chest. “What are you doing here?”

“Figured you’d have a doozy of a session this time.” Michael smooths a hand up and down Alex’s back. 

It’s just like Michael Guerin, best boyfriend ever, to know Alex’s session would leave him exhausted. 

“You’re amazing.” Alex says, pressing a kiss to the bottom of Michael’s jaw. “You don’t have class?”

“Nah. But I should be working on my Mexican Lit presentation. Did you know we have to do it in Spanish?”

Alex laughs, “I did know that! Because I’m in that class and I pay attention.”

“Eh, what’s the point of being a genius if you can’t be nonsensical.” Michael jokes, putting an arm over Alex’s shoulder and leading them homewards. 

“I’ll help you, _genio_.” 

**

By the end of the semester, Alex and Michael are exhausted. They shuttle between random shifts at their respective places of employment, classes and their room for studying and sleeping. They have sex, but it’s mostly rote, like quick handjobs in the mornings to get the blood flowing and get rid of their morning wood. They both miss a meal here and there and subsist on potato chips and soda. Alex does find it kind of funny that they both bitch about the other one missing meal and not getting enough sleep, while not taking care of themselves properly. They fit in pretty well with the general atmosphere of traumatic panic going around campus.

Alex’s nerves ease up after he and his classmates have their performance in the auditorium, playing two compositions each. Alex resorts to begging Renita into singing his songs live. He does manage to play the guitar though, and barely stumbles on the strings. At the start of the year he was painfully aware of how much work it would take to get full motion in his fingers again, but by now his rehab exercises are a natural part of his day, he’s surprised even himself with how diligent he’s been with them. 

Michael sits in the second row during the performance and beams up at Alex, not even sparing a glance at Renita or the drummer that’s helping everyone out. That night they fuck, mustering up more excitement and energy for each other’s naked bodies than they have in a while. When they’re done, Michael goes to have a shower, but when he comes back he doesn’t drop down next Alex, instead he sits by his desk and opens up the laptop.

“Michael.” Alex yawns. “Come to bed.” 

“Just a minute.” Michael says half-heartedly, clicking around and mostly ignoring Alex. “I want to take another look at those blueprints you found on your dad’s computer.”

Alex hates that Michael looks hot with a towel around his waist and the computer screen’s glare lighting up his skin. But no matter how good he looks, Michael needs sleep just as much as Alex does. “No, now. You’re running yourself ragged. How do you even expect to get anything done right now?”

“Acetone.”

“Acetone?” Alex starts, sitting up in bed. “What?”

Michael grimaces, turning his head slowly, “Uh, I didn’t tell you about that?”

“About acetone?” Alex asks, bewildered and more awake than he wants to be.

“We, uh, drink it.” Michael says, sounding a little apologetic. “It’s like a cure-all for us. Works as a sedative when we’re hurt, as an adrenaline-inducer when we need it… Helps us get drunk, ‘cos alcohol doesn’t really do anything for us.”

“Are you kidding me? You bring this up now?”

Michael does close the laptop at that, joins Alex in bed instead. “I have like, ten bottles of nail polish remover at the bottom of my wardrobe, you didn’t see them when you found the glass?”

“Oh come on!” Alex rolls on top of Michael, holds him down by his wrists. “You mean your high tolerance level is because alcohol does nothing for you unless you put acetone in it?” 

Michael grins, “I don’t use that much, so it won’t be disgusting for you to kiss me.” 

“That’s cheating! That’s fucking cheating!” Alex exclaims, “No wonder you never get drunk. That is such fucking bullshit!”

Michael just laughs, and laughs harder when Alex decides that tickling is the only appropriate response to such a crazy revelation.

**

The next night, their floor hosts their end-of-the-academic-year party and it feels like the whole building crams into the dorm. It’s a great time, especially since Michael indulges Alex by spiking his drinks with acetone all night, and gets a lot more drunk than Alex has ever seen him. The music is loud, the drinks are flowing, there’s a ‘who slept with who this year’-quiz and Alex laughs his ass off when Michael keeps taking his shirt off because he complains about being too hot. Agatha and Agnes, and a bunch of other girls, along with some guys, tell Alex to let Michael keep the shirt off and after the fourth time, Alex just rolls with it. He’s the one who gets to fuck Michael, let the others drool in vain. 

They spend most of the party together, but when Jermaine starts up _Guitar Hero_ on his PlayStation, Alex gets stuck for a while. Michael spends that time loudly debating Picard versus Sisko in the hallway before getting roped into a limbo competition. Since Michael is being the life of the party, Alex decides to be a little more responsible. He does want to see what Michael is like when he drinks, but he doesn’t want things to get too freaky. He makes sure their room is off-limits, uncertain that Michael won’t somehow trigger the alien glass on accident. As a trade-off for not opening up their room, they’re part of the clean-up crew tomorrow, and Alex is more than fine with that. 

Except the next day Michael is nursing one hell of a hangover, and bitches and moans his way out of cleaning. Alex is a little pissed, but at the same time he can give Michael this one pass, since he did sort of get drunk for Alex’s sake. If anything, next time Alex will know when to make Michael switch to water instead of letting him go all night with acetone-laced beer.

Florentino calls him when the clean-up is nearly done and asks if he can cover a shift last minute at the store. Alex, who is desperate for any kind of cash, happily agrees despite his own hangover. The others on the clean-up crew wave him away when he apologizes for running out on them, Agatha telling him to go make his money. Michael’s still bemoaning his life choices in bed when Alex changes into his work uniform so he grabs the keys to the truck and ignores Michael’s childish pleas for attention. 

When he gets back eight hours later, Michael’s still in bed, though he looks and smells a lot better, like he’s had a shower and maybe something to eat. He has a notebook in his lap and his textbook for Mechanical Engineering next to him.

“Hey, sweetheart.” Michael says, looking all soft with crazy curly hair, a too-large sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants on that are actually Alex’s. “Good day at work?”

“The best.” Alex deadpans. “Actually, there’s a few laptops going on sale next week that could be good options for us.”

“We don’t need a new laptop.” Michael says.

“Uh, we do. First of all, the last couple of weeks have proved we both need to use a computer at the same time, and secondly, don’t say you can use the computers in the library, you have all those alien algorithms you’re trying to create. You need a laptop that can handle that shit, and you can’t do it in public.”

“What about what you need?” Michael asks. 

Alex hopes he doesn’t look as stupidly smitten as he feels when Michael yet again puts him first. “If we’re gonna keep tabs on my dad, yeah, it’d be good with a CPU with a larger capacity. It can be the computer we use for secret alien stuff.” 

Michael doesn’t respond to Alex’s reasoning, focusing instead on the plastic bag in Alex’s hand, “Is that food? Did you bring me something?”

“I got us burritos. I met Jermaine outside, he was gonna eat his sub in the lounge, I told him we’d join him.” 

“Okay.” Michael says, watching casually as Alex changes out of his uniform into a loose long-sleeved shirt and his running shorts. 

Alex rolls his eyes at his boyfriend’s open ogling of him, knowing the look in Michael’s eyes. He decides to play with fire and bends over Michael, putting a hand on his dick. “Kept thinking about your tongue today. About it sliding down my chest, swirling around my cock, fucking my hole.”

Michael moans, reaches for Alex, but Alex just skips away. He grabs the bag of food, and heads for the door. Alex laughs when Michael mutters behind him. Alex spots Jermaine immediately and joins him at one of the small tables to the side of the room. There’s a couple of people watching TV but they’re all engaged with their cell phones, a few talking quietly with each other, and don’t seem to mind when the three of them start chatting as they eat.

“Hey. Haven’t had time to catch up for a while, everything good?” Jermaine asks. 

“Yeah. It’s just been a lot lately. Exams, you know, and my sort-of-uncle died.” Alex says. 

Jermaine looks genuinely sad, “I’m sorry, man. That sucks.”

“Yeah.” Alex shrugs, happy to somehow be able to acknowledge Valenti’s death without it turning into a conversation about aliens. He nods over at Michael, “This one helps a lot.”

Jermaine perks up at that, “Does that mean you two have made up?”

“Made up?” Michael asks through a large bite of burrito.

Alex blushes, “Uhm, yeah, we have. We’ve… talked.”

Michael looks between the other two, “What am I missing here?”

“Nothing.” Jermaine says, being an awesome friend like always. “Just happy the two of you are happy.”

Michael eyes him suspiciously, but Jermaine just smiles and munches on his sub. When Michael narrows his eyes at Alex instead, Alex pretends he doesn’t notice and asks Jermaine about Tyra. 

“She’s with the softball team on a bonding trip, before the summer. I’ll see her when she gets back.” Jermaine says. 

“Think you’ll make it over summer break?” Alex asks. 

“I don’t know, to be honest.” Jermaine sighs. “What about you, any fun summer plans?”

Alex glances over at Michael, they haven’t really talked about it, just kept on trucking. “Uhm, I’ve pretty much disowned my family, so I’m gonna stay here and work as many shifts as I can. Gotta start making that dough.”

“I’ll probably visit my brother and sister, other than that I’ll be here too.” Michael adds. He nudges Alex’s shoulder, “I’m sure we could take a road trip or something one weekend. Go to one of them outdoor concerts in the park.” 

Alex gets a gooey feeling inside at the thought of Michael wanting to take him out on summer dates. They haven’t been on many real dates of late. Hopefully, they can focus on that part of their relationship again. 

**

Alex is lying on the bed, listening to My Chemical Romance and finally not thinking about anything. He hears Michael knock, their old habit of announcing their imminent presence coming in handy after the month they’ve had. He rolls over and is looking at the door as Michael comes in, sweaty and with oil stains on his white t-shirt. Alex is going to have to tag along to the auto shop someday so he can get the full show of Michael as a mechanic. Michael smiles at him, holds up a few dollar bills. 

“Three hundred? What the hell do you do at that place?” Alex says, both impressed and a little concerned. 

“I do it all nude.” Michael winks. “Nah, the extra was for me helping out Marc’s granny, she needed some shit moved at her house. Luckily for me, she also naps during the day and I have alien powers to move shit around with.”

Alex laughs, “Basically, you hustled Marc.”

“I can neither confirm nor deny…” Michael jokes, coming over to join Alex on the bed. He leans in and kisses Alex, a kiss that feels like a promise. “What about you, what did you do today? Anything stupid?”

“Aww, honey, I would never be stupid without you.”

Michael rolls his eyes, “Sure you would, honey.”

“Actually, I got some big news.” Alex says, rubbing grime off of Michael’s temple. He always needs a shower after working.

“Good or bad?” Michael wonders. 

“Both. My dad emailed to let me know he won’t pay for my tuition anymore. I guess he doesn’t want to bribe me for my future loyalty now that I’m being a pervert with you. Jim really was the only reason dad let me come here. So unless I make a couple of thousand dollars over the next few months, I’ll have to drop out.”

Michael hardly misses a beat. “We’ll figure something out. Restructure the loan you have, apply for scholarships, grants... We’ll work it out.”

“It’s cool that you think that, because I’m not so sure.” Alex lies back down, arm behind his head. He’s oddly calm considering his college career might be over. “The good part is that I won’t owe him shit anymore.” 

“You can take a semester off to work fulltime. Or just do one or two classes. There’s ways around this.” Michael lies down pretty much on top of Alex, “I know you’re worried, but you’re right, you’re free of him this way. He has absolutely no hold of you.”

Alex smiles into Michael’s neck. “Yeah, I guess that is great news.”

“Wanna bang?”

Alex laughs, “Ever the romantic. Yeah, come on, get out of those dirty clothes.”

“Finally, I’ve been sweating all day.” Michael pulls off his t-shirt.

“Well, you do run hot, Guerin.” 


End file.
